Saturday, July 28, 2007

ADVICE FOR THE FUTURE

This truly awesome advice is........don't eat Darryl Lea rocky road after Black Ice Vodka and 6 dry sherries. I'm not feeling well.

I'm sort of tired, proping my head against the computer screen tired. It's all due to my mother, the L.O.L who shall be henceforth known as the B.O.B and she was a bloody old bitch today.

First phone call 7.45, second phone call 8.45, third phone call as I was leaving the house so I didn't answer, got it off the message bank when I crawled home tonight.

Walk 3 kms in the rain. Listen to lying bullshit and make her have a shower.

Put the washing in the machine and start to drag crap out of the laundry cupboard which hasn't seen the light of day for 10 years. Realize where I get my pack-ratting genes from.

Take delivery of new refrigerator which she is not going to like because she didn't get to pick it.

New fridge is 8 inches taller and 6 inches less in width than the old one so doesn't fit in the hole under the stupid unusable cupboard where the cockroaches hold barn dances.

Grab builder from next door to dismantle cupboard which weighs a ton and I know this because I'm holding it on my head while he turns off the power because the power point is inside the cupboard which we are dismantling.

Pilot light on the space heater goes out when the fan cuts off because there's no power so I make him sit there and re-light it. I graciously thank him without swearing even though my neck is 3 inches shorter.

B.O.B. says the men have made the kitchen floor filthy. Good observation since I'm bent in half washing the tiles at the time. She points out where I've missed a tile.

B.O.B refused to look at the fridge.

I finish the washing of clothes and floor and B.O.B. and stagger to the shop to fill the fridge. I stagger home carry two litres of milk and two litres of orange juice and food.

I pilfer her sherry and buy can of Black Ice and sneak off to my sister's. I ring friend to take the contents of laundry cupboard to find B.O.B has already rung him to do just that and also buy her some milk as I've left her without any for her tea.

I didn't win Tattslotto either.

8 comments:

Andrew said...

Leave your mother without milk for her tea. What a cruel and neglectful daughter. Shame.

3kms in rain. BOM sit indicates a brief shower in your area.

Middle Child said...

Bloody hell. Is that where short necks come from, balancing whoole cupboards on your head. Thanks I will be careful not to do that...just remember to offer it all up to God ; (

phil said...

It's hard to imagine someone deserving a hangover, but you certainly do (in a good way, of course).

Gerry said...

I want to leave a comment but I don't quite know what to say...

JahTeh said...

Two litres sitting in the new fridge Andrew, she refused to look.
Sprinkly rain, the kind that soaks before you notice.

MC, damn chipboard is heavy and it really was useless since you had to lift the door up to get in there and keep holding it up with one hand while trying to grab whatever hadn't gravitated to the back. It ended up being the 'don't throw it out I might need it one day' depository.

I always stop before the hangover barrier is reached, Phil. I've only had three hangovers in my life and I remember each one vividly.

The Bear's lost for words, geez those pills must be good.

Davo said...

We could, of course, take great comfort from the wise, articulate and intelligent words from our Minister responsible for Health .. "Shit Happens".

JahTeh said...

Davo, don't you love Abbott for appearing to be one with the common man. I bet he was on his knees in confession for a week after that. If you see the post after this, shit is still happening.

Davo said...

The mad monk, on his knees? Confessing? Can only only imagine him crawling into howard's office, to receive the daily dose of plenipeniplotential lashing (whip me master, o please whip me).. heh.