Friday, August 17, 2007

SHEEP

These platforms for feet are designed by Giambattista Valli. His instruments of torture are favoured by the flesh-challanged Beckham lollypop. Since anybody breathing on her would knock her over I suppose they serve a purpose as anchors.
According to Hello Magazine, heels of 125mm are becoming the norm for any celebrities who can't be out of fashion even for these monstrosities. According to Hello, "Women love these killer heels because they lengthen your legs, make you look slimmer and add a flirtatious vulnerability as the wearer teeters about on the red carpet."

Now I love shoes, evening shoes, walking shoes, beautifully designed boots (haven't seen a decent pair lately) and my one desire as a teen was to own a pair of beaded Roger Vivier satin evening shoes. But these are not only ugly but downright dangerous. I did own a pair of high heeled platforms the last time they were 'in'. They had the most comfortable soft gold leather cross over front straps and I topped 6 foot in them. I felt wonderful as long as I stood still. I could still walk slowly and elegantly on a flat surface but walking down Collins Street after a night at the theatre and I was comedy in action. The soles don't bend so walking downhill is impossible unless you grab a bloke or stagger from parking meter to parking meter like a drunken sailor on shore leave. The useless ex had parked the car miles from the theatre as he thought it would be nice to walk through the city on a summer's evening. He was wearing flat shoes wasn't he.


11 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

Now that's what I call a bunyon with personality. It'll be writing religious allegories next.

Meredith said...

I think the most sensible high heels ever were something we schoolgirls in the early 80s called "slickers". They were great chunky lace-up things that lifted you up high and also worked well as weapons if necessary.

Link said...

I toppled all the way down Gordon railway station stairs in a pair not dissimilar to these in the year of our Lordy, nineteen hundred and ??? seventy nine. I had been out to dinner with the folks. I must have looked ridiculous, I thought it was great, at fifteen in a T shirt dress, with blue eye liner and masccara I could look Dad, (6"3) in the eye. They let me be a fool from time to time.

Gerry said...

Yawn... I've never been able to understand this very feminine trait of whinging about aspects of fashion to which they have happily sold themselves into abject slavery.

Either wear comfortable shoes or make pain your friend... Karate do, or karate don't... No whinging...

I'll get hung for this... :-)

Andrew said...

Gimme a call. I can teach you how to walk comfortably and elegantly in the highest heels, up hill or down.

JahTeh said...

I had a close look at that second foot and it's as ugly as the shoe but if you want an ugly shoe, Roman sandals.

"slickers" Meredith, that has to be a Sydney thing. I'll have to google.

This was about the same time Link, and it was the height, I always wanted to be 6 foot tall but standing up not flat out on the footpath.

Make pain your friend is right, Bear. My very first pay packet went on a pair of Mary Quant low heeled shoes after a week of walking a mile home from the station in stilletos.

The hidden talents of a Highrise Lad. You've probably got smaller feet and better knees than me.

Andrew said...

Knees aren't too crash hot. I can see they will be a problem. Feet aren't huge but get uglier by the decade.

Neo said...

I just can't add to that ya silly buggers! Shit, I used to dance in stilletos like that who would have imagined!

JahTeh said...

Yes, Andrew, the longer length dress for you now and no peep toes in the shoe line.

Neo, I'd have to have at least three strong men holding me up to dance in stilleto heels. I do miss the Tango.

Middle Child said...

Chinese footbinding caused women to "totter with vulnerability"...s'gorn outa fashion I think


Our daughter is planning on tottering down the aisle in shoes this high in November...I'll let you know if she makes it... I have "sensible shoes for real feet" planned for me...
her little sister who is to be her bridesmaid is still practising in the "shoes chosen"... poor little bugger...said I'd buy her a lookalike pair with thumbtack heels for after she falls down the greek orthodox church stairs...My mum would kill herself laughing about all of this... ,me too!

JahTeh said...

Idea for daughter which I found somewhere, high for the ceremony, medium for the dancing, flat for the merriment of the evening.
Idea for mother of the bride, keep a pair of jiffies in your bag, she'll need them.