Friday, December 05, 2008


I could do with two new thumbs, one leg, a set of lungs and a shoulder joint.

After shopping yesterday I put out the charity bag since the truck hadn't been and while I was out there thought I might as well do the rest of the branches.
A hour of sawing later and two minutes before lawnmower man turned up, I had the lot out. There is one left but half way through my shoulder packed up and ran inside snivelling.
The chomper is coming some time next week and if neighbour next door puts anything on that pile that isn't regulation, I'll have his nuts.

Today I was going to vaccum/vacuum, I can never remember how to spell it so both are going in, but I was sidetracked by a hatbox. The colour has been annoying me for a while so I thought I'd change it and while I was doing that one, I might as well do the other and with all this material left over, I could get that other one to match. Then there was the diary I bought yesterday. I can't write in it until it's covered in pretty material with matching ribbon. This choosing of fabric takes a while since I've got to look at it for 12 months and the ribbon has to be just right.
So there went another hour ratting around in the fabric stash.

The problem here is the glue I use. Brilliant stuff, sticks like the proverbial to a blanket and dries quickly. I had the back door open, front door open for ventilation but I was still a bit too close to the fumes. I anticipate my lungs collapsing about midnight tonight.

The material has to be pressed down with fingers, and especially thumbs. My thumbs are numbs. If I have to do anything involving opposing digits in the next 24 hours, I'm stuffed. I have a bag of potato crisps yelling for attention and I haven't the thumb strength to open it.

I also have the card table up and am painting tin things with paint that shouldn't be used without goggles and gloves and a nose mask. Guess who didn't read the label first. It's gold leaf paint and I'm using the finest brush but I reckon if I don't strike a match in the lounge room, what with the glue fumes and this, then the house will still be here for Christmas.

The fumes aren't annoying my leg, dropping a log on it did that. I have bruises on my bruises. And now my mouse isn't scrolling. And Telstra are going to make me pay if the line fuckiness is on my side when it's their fault for having crappy lines that dangle in trees.

There is a plus, I made a fruit salad of mango, strawberries, bananas, menindee grapes and apricots which is far too healthy so I'll just crumble a few musk sticks over the top fortunately I opened the packet yesterday and I don't need thumbs to use a spoon.


phil said...

Yeah, what is it with vaccum? The locally engaged staff bloke responsible for assets, purchasing etc in the Embassy in Pakistan when I was there invariably spelled it that way.

Jayne said...

Throw a few logs at the Telstra twit, that should sort things out ;)

Kath Lockett said...

Remember too, dear CopperWitch, that chocolate requires almost no physical skill or strain to eat - just insert and let it melt... works every time.

You are NOT going to believe what the word verification thingy is, no joke - pansi !

JahTeh said...

I can never remember it, Phil. I have a permanent sticker in the dictionary but then I vac so rarely I'm not surprised I can't remember.

Jayne, first be nice to the Telstra twit then hit him with a log if he says it's on my side.

Kath, I have several boxes picked out but which to choose then I read your post on Chocolate coated almonds. I love chocolate almonds so I added those to the list. Then there's the pistachio nougat which only comes in at Christmas. I'm making the dentist visit after I eat all of these.

River said...

It's VACUUM. Trust the spelling champ. If you manage to find a "spare parts" shop, please, please, let me know. I could use a few bits myself. Crisp packets can be opened with scissors. and what's with the musk stick salad?? That's no way to treat a musk stick!

JahTeh said...

River, that was musk stick fruit salad, delightful. From now on I'll be hoovering, I can spell that.

R.H. said...

Ah hears yo' been livin' in mah house!

(durn ornery critter!)

ha ha ha!

Wake up to yourself!


R.H. said...

Maybe you think there's still a lolly factory opposite?

There ain't.

So get out!

Right now!!!

On topic.

Mindy said...

If all else fails, I open chip packets with my teeth, or failing that by shaking all the chips up one end of the bag then slamming something down on the other end so the air pressure blows the bag open. note: you will need something to catch the chips with as they all explode out the end of the bag.

R.H. said...

You won't see her here today darlings, she's copped Kev's fourteen and is now wheeling a plasma out of Southland. Golly. How's that. And with a dozen boston buns on top! Goodness me. Well the useless latte set cop that much in a week. And what's more Cuntface Human Services after dozing the year away have Christmas break-ups in plush restaurants funded by consolidated mug revenue. Did you know that? What bludgers. The day they ever save any kid's life I'll barbecue my balls and serve them up with spaghetti. Meanwhile my biographical subject has got these social shirker bastards fluttering around his noggin day and night "Oh yes, Geoffrey. Very nice Geoffrey. And isn't it good we're MANAGING your relationship with RH, he has too much influence on you, you know. Did you know that? Oh yes, he does, really..." GET FUCKED. TELL THEM TO GET FUCKED! FUCK OFF AND FIND A BLOKE WITH A DECENT SIZE COCK! GO TO AFRICA -AND GET RAPED BY A GORILLA!!!!!!!!


JahTeh said...

Rh, there's enough rape in Africa as it is without you egging on the gorillas.

Mindy, packaging is my favourite bugbear. I can't get ice-cream containers open, now Nuttlex have brought out a tamperproof tub which drove me crazy for a week. As for arthritis pills being in a jar that has to be cracked open by painful hands, words fail me. I get the girls in the pharmacy to do it for me.

R.H. said...

ha ha ha. You're a funny bird. Honest

Mindy said...

My favourite rant is why can the children always open childproof lids when I can't. It took me about half an hour to work out the bloody Nuttelex container. I nearly cooked with butter and lied to my co-worker who is allergic to dairy, but I thought he might notice and never forgive me.

Middle Child said...

must be sick Jahteh, because I laughed my guts out by the time i got to the log on the leg bit...sorry to be so cruell, but i take my happiness when it comes these days...