Saturday, September 18, 2010

Four Weddings

It took me a long time to decide what to tag this post but it just had to be laughter.
I hate reality shows. They bore me to tears the exception being 'MasterChef' but then I only watched the last month of that and only for the food.

So why am I watching a reality show about weddings? That would be for the frocks, the bling and the cake and the snarking.

The idea is that four brides go to each other's wedding, give marks for the dress, ceremony and reception, the bride with the highest marks gets the ritzy honeymoon. I expected it to be extremely bitchy and nasty so was ready to switch to another show but it wasn't bad and the brides comments were kept to a minimum.

I felt I could comment on the brides, being fat myself so if the bride was, I could really snark.
I could comment on the ceremony remembering every horrible detail of my own. If my bouquet had concealed a wand, I could have done a 'Bellatrix' on half the guests.
I could comment on the reception since mine resembled a production of 'Dimboola' by the Fuckitupandgetpissed amateur drama club.

The first episode had the lot. The overly large bride who decided on a costume wedding and actually looked quite lovely in an Elizabethan style dress and I wish she had extended that to her everyday dress. Short black frock with electric blue corset on the outside was striking as a slash to the throat with a dagger. And if one does wear knee high stockings, make sure the dress covers them. Actually I liked the hubby who wanted a Babylon 5 themed wedding, go team B.
Next one had the works, fireworks inside, flaming pavlovas/cake and an Elvis impersonater.
The Asian girl had two ceremonies, ethnic and traditional which was held up when her father got lost along the way.
I can't tell you who won the first show, I walked to the kitchen for a drink and it was all over.
The girls comments were great, along the lines of OMG, I would not have/wear/eat that in a fit.
I thought what they wore to each other's wedding ceremonies should have been part of the contest. High heels to a garden wedding after rain, bwahaha.

This week's was just as enjoyable. $400 dress up to 60 grand wedding. I hope a friend of mine wasn't watching, the high end bride was wearing the same dress that will be worn next month. I'm sure she'll look a whole lot better than this bride. $400 bride was married at the beach with reception at the local pub. Tattoo bride should have held back on the champers until after the ceremony so got a little Bridezilla with the tending maids. Brides are starting to blend in my mind about now.

I'm looking forward to next week but what could possibly top a gold stretch hummer for the Bride before she changes to a horse drawn carriage. I used to think stretch limos were the height of gross until my first view of a stretch hummer. Nothing wrong with silk flowers until the bouquet is thrown and it disintegrates. Twining arms to sip champagne is a Hollywood myth of elegance. I may be mistaken, it might have happened when I wasn't looking, but I didn't see that ghastly US custom of the groom removing the bride's garter with his teeth and throwing it to the assembled male guests. And if there was a funniest home video moment, it was left on the editing floor.

Yes, I have to say it again, I'm looking forward to next week's show.


Jayne said...

Sorry, still not enough decades between now and my first effort with the ex (and his uber-controlling I-will-organise-EVERYTHING mother.
I had a knees up in a green ball gown from the op shop, byo plate of chocolate goodies and enjoy the music 2nd go.
Much saner.

JahTeh said...

Jayne, I lost total control of everything in the finish and couldn't have cared less. We hired a hall, spent every penny on food and drink and had a jazz band. It was total fun for the guests but I realized I had just been married and a little voice kept repeating WTF did you do that for? Thirty years later I was still hearing it.
My sister knew she'd made the same mistake when the groom wandered into the honeymoon suite wearing black jocks covered with yellow spiders,his mother's wedding present.

River said...

I haven't seen this show and probably won't, ever. I'm so much against reality shows. There's been so many, in all varieties/themes/whatever, and all of them are not much more than an excuse for someone to bitch and lord it over the other someones.
Not at all my idea of entertainment.

Ann O'Dyne said...

Thanks for the humour of your review, but I couldn't bear the snarking.
I do love and recommend though, OffBeat, and does anybody recall Jane Hall's Wednesday night 30-minute show in about 1995 which covered weddings? There was no snarking (except in the viewer's living room) and it was hilarious.
My favourite moment was the female wedding party waiting on the nature strip for the car to the church, in all their finery, sucking on cans of VB and cigarettes. I wonder where they are now - on remand for something probably.

Your sister should have given back those spider jocks on the M-I-L's birthday.
My wedding was in a National Trust bluestone church at 7pm on a Wednesday (we were both born on a Wednesday - I must look up the divorce day and see if it matches too),there were 7 present including the vicar, not including any parents and we both went to work the next day.
I missed the weddings of all 3 of my children.
Today, in parks all over the state, goose-pimpled brides were married in strapless, sleeveless tubes and wearing soggy shoes.
Beats me.

JahTeh said...

River, that's what will bring me back to this show, no real bitching and because there are four brides, not much time for any shenanigans. They have to judge each other's wedding. And you're right about being too many reality shows, 3 new ones starting next week but I won't be there.

Annie O, I love offbeat almost as much as cake wrecks.
My pet hate, strapless dresses in cold weather, short bridesmaid dresses when the bride is in a long one. All I can concentrate on is bare legs and clompy shoes.

R.H. said...

What's this, TV reviews now?

When you get married again I'm filming it.

R.H. said...

Interested in seeing the response to that.

JahTeh said...

You're on, Robbert. By the way my next wedding will be in a nudist colony and clothes are not optional.

R.H. said...

Crikey, I'm gonna need a long lense!

R.H. said...

Do those cock enlargers work? Does anyone know?

Frances said...

R.H. "cock enlargers" are often called "women", and often work.

R.H. said...

Thanks very much, that's like saying God will provide. Oh sure. He gave me this little dick in the first place!

Ozfemme said...

I think white wellington boots are a fabulous idea for soggy spring garden weddings. Lace tops of course.

JahTeh said...

Robbert, your trouble was that you forgot to tell God which end you wanted enlarged which accounts for your big gob.

Oz, you're back on Planet Earth. New bloke gone the way of the other dregs?
I shudder at the thought of Spring weddings. Everybody knows it rains in Spring or it turns cold overnight and the bridal party turns blue.