Saturday, December 11, 2010

I wish I'd thought of this


Knowing that I'd used the ex's toothbrush to do this somewhere in my married life would make me feel so much better today.
Yesterday, still a little weepy after putting up the Christmas tree and putting new flowers in pots to put on the kid's grave, I receive an email from Ex and the missus, saying 'May the lights shine on'. It was a mass email to everyone and showed the house all dollied up with Christmas lights and swinging things in the garden. It was the most appalling bad taste Christmas lighting I've seen in a while. Blue Reindeers!!!!! Ghastly is the word for it.
Unfortunately it opened the floodgates and Tension copped it in the neck. (So, I used it as an excuse, bite me.)
I'd fought the demons and put the tree up, 2nd time since our son's death. I wasn't stupid enough to think ferretface would send a personal email and mention something personal but a mass email and bad lighting would usually send me into screaming laughter.
It was the words. The inscription on the grave is "The brighter the light, the darker the shadow" so "may the lights shine on" sort of hit me between the eyes. Even as I write it, it sounds so dumb but a weepy mood is a weepy mood and a good Christmas cry is cathartic.
It's just those blue reindeers and remembering the jolly fat twerp in his Santa suit which he did professionally for nearly ten years, the only years he was sober for Christmas Day.
I'll have to keep crying, tears are beneficial for seared retinas. Blue reindeers, if only it had just been the reindeers but the other stuff, lordy I need a bucket.




8 comments:

Lad Litter said...

I think it's your right to expect something a little more personal in view of the circumstances. And as to overblown christmas decorations: has it ever been done tastefully?

River said...

Blue reindeer??

(((hugs)))

Jayne said...

Ex's are exactly that cos they didn't have the good sense and good taste to realise what a fabulous gift they had while they were married to us.
Now...they suck big hairy dogs' balls.
And we are free.
(((hugs)))

Ann O'Dyne said...

gosh that Jayne has a nifty turn-of-phrase!
for the blue reindeer alone, he deserves a very bad time.
X X

Kath Lockett said...

There's nothing wrong with a good build-up-to-Christmas cry. That's what I've been spending most of today doing, too.

(((Hugs)))

JahTeh said...

Lad, I passed 3 homes near where I live and they looked beautiful, tasteful because they only put up fairy lights not a blue reindeer in sight.

River, it just proves they were made for each other, not an ounce of good taste to be found.

Jayne, so right, everything in my house is tasteful even the dirt. I have to get the BrickOutHouse to take a photo of the tree. That's when we are speaking again, another discussion this morning about the girlfriend and apparently I hate her which I don't, I just think she's a waste of space and I would prefer it if she wasted her space somewhere other than my house.

Annie O, try as I might, I can't print out a photo and I even put a new colour cartridge in. Although it might be better not to remind mumsy about Christmas lights or him.

Kath, perhaps it's the weather or that I have to see about the blood glucose, the mysterious pain that could be an ulcer or my knees hurting since the last fall or my feet swollen and hurting from getting up from the last fall and I don't feel like eating chocolate.
Pardon me while I go and hide all the painkillers.

Jayne said...

Ann, I could have told J to shoot the b@stard to put us out of our retinal misery but then she'd have a buggered shoulder to match her knees.

Middle Child said...

Bloody hell what a moron - and an eejit as well. There are a lot of them about these days. I cannot imagine and hope never to have to be saked to deal with the death of one of my girls - I don't pray as such but I do pray in my own way that they are allowed just life and health - to be able to have kids and a decent life span. Our family has been so decimated I find myself wondering who will be next - and selfishly I have to pray not my girls.
Cry away - I cried when i finished reading the post.
I actually think your ex is a cruel bastard - knowing that you would be missing your son especially at Christmas - a personal message would have been in good taste...