Saturday, February 22, 2014

Apparently the state of the economy is all my fault.

Yes, because I'm obese, old, medically unsound and I have a pension.  There now, you have someone to focus on instead of the shit government currently in power.
1.  When I worked I paid taxes. I still pay tax via the GST.
2.  When I worked, women didn't get superannuation.
3.  When I stopped work, I was helping the shouse rat ex up the corporate ladder.
4.  I raised two kids who paid tax.
5.  Getting old was always going to happen.
6.  Getting fat stopped me from having a nervous breakdown and clogging up the pysch hospitals.
7.  Medically unsound is in the eye of the beholder and her doctor.
8.  When the pension age of 65 was designated as 'the age', the average poor bloody worker was dead by 55. Bastards knew what they were doing even back then.
9.  I've had a crap week and the next person who comes out blaming obese old medically unsound pensioners will get a thump over the head with a large club.
10. Smile, it could be worse, us old obese medically unsound pension demanding fogeys could be shipped off to Manus Island as undesirables.

And the Telstra mongrels have not fixed my landline which has been off for nearly a week. They are aware of the problem, Yea!  I was on my neighbour's phone for 40 minutes waiting for the Peter Sellers Call Centre listening to the most appalling muzak before I heard a human voice.  He took all my details and said he would check details and be right back.  Black holes in the Universe opened and swallowed stars while I waited another 20 minutes. Then a robot asked me if I was satisfied with the help I'd had and could I press a number from zero to one to indicate my pleasure. When I pressed zero, the robot said why wasn't I happy?  Because I was still standing there hanging on to a bloody phone waiting for an answer. The robot hung up. 
My neighbour (no, not hernextdoor) made a cup of coffee and I sat down and knew it was a mistake, I do not do well sitting six inches from the floor.  Getting up gave her the best laugh she'd had all week but I did not fall on my backside, I was too frightened to.
My shoulders are almost right but the left hip took quite a belting in the storm on Thursday night. I should have started this with.....It was a dark and stormy night...because it was when the transformer blew two houses down the street. In the pitch dark I missed the door way and whacked into the door frame as I went for the torch. There were lots of four letter sailor type words and limping, lots of limping.
And because everything was on when the power went off, I had to stay up for it to come back on so I could turn it all off.
I read a book with a torch on my shoulder.  I couldn't see what the candle on the mantle was doing, same as all the others I thought. Not with my luck, the wick had leaned sideways, put a hole in the wax which was melting down the mantle, down my string of gold stars and on to my holograph picture of a wizard and the carpet.  By this stage the four letter vocabulary was exhausted and it was too late to drink Gin.
See, not only obese, medically unsound, old, pensioner but boozer with a foul mouth. I may have just set a new bench mark for entrance to Manus, or Parliament.

6 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

And you won't be alone. I am not a pensioner but qualify on every other count. I vote for Manus rather than Parliament though - a much better class of people to share it with.

River said...

the state of the economy is all your fault? Well, dang me! Orl dis time I bin blamin da gubment....

On a more serious note....there's a laugh, me being serious...I worked and paid taxes too, raised four kids who are now all working and paying taxes, surely that counts for something?
And why do you need to go searching for a torch? Why haven't you got one stashed right beside the bed?? In the bedside drawer so it doesn't roll away under the bed.
Telstra......nuff said

Andrew said...

The country's finances are in terrible state. We are all doomed. We must make economies. We must cut spending.

But when you reach a certain age, you recall you have heard it all more than once before.

Frances said...

I'm gobsmacked by your misplaced guilt, CopperWitch.
I'm the person who, as a smoker of cigarettes, is the cause of all known ill health and disease in both the human and animal world.

JahTeh said...

EC, quite possibly you're right. Looking at Parliament during Question Time makes me think of that LOL meme, "Your gene pool didn't have a life guard".

River, I have two by the bed but it was early and I was watching TV. My big Dolphin torch is always on the kitchen table and candles and matches in the dresser but when I said it was a dark and stormy night, it was. The storm flooded Geelong then came straight across the bay to me. I've got torches all over the house and I should have waited until my eyes got used to the pitch black before I moved.

Andrew, you're right we've been hearing this forever but I notice none of the Polies ever give up their pension and entitlements. Even my own sister said I should be fine because I owned the house until I showed her what came out of $800 to keep this house. She damn well shut up then.

Frances, not true, just think of the tax you're paying on those cancer sticks. Government knew long before we did that sigs were bad for health but were too busy grabbing the tax. Same for booze. I can hardly afford a bottle of Bombay Sapphire without mortgaging the house.

Ann ODyne said...

I have not seen our current PM on TV since before the election that thrust him on us.
From teh interwebz I know he said "australia is now open for business"
and that seems to mean things are shutting down, SPC, Holden, QANTAS.
That is my fault not yours, as I would not dream of flying anywhere - http://m.smh.com.au/travel/travel-news/yes-were-laughing-at-your-naked-body-airport-security-officer-confesses-20140206-323cq.html,
have not bought a Holden, and as for SPC - the fruit is all sugar which leads to obesity (apparently).
and don't get me started on the 10% GST that was to replace ALL other taxes. and didn't replace any of the 30% ones.