Thursday, November 19, 2015

Ritzy wheelie cancelled


Go Daffy, I understand perfectly.  It all started early yesterday morning with a visit to Medicare/Centrelink and if I ever find out which imbecile decided it would be a good idea to move Medicare from Southland to the middle of nowherebus, I will pull his limbs off and beat him to death.
People everywhere so I decided not to wait and get my medicare card unhooked from my mother's bank account where it's been for 6 years.  What's another few months of her paying for my doctor's bills since she's the reason I visit.
Next Southland and a walk to the bus over cobblestones, up, down, sideways and no op shop buys because of a six inch step to get the walker over.  Bus came bringing trouble.  Now I know most women can multi-task with ease but wrangling a bag over the shoulder while getting the walker up the step while touching on the myki as you turn the corner into the bus proper and fall into a seat is a neat trick.
Getting off the bus in reverse is worse because there is a drop to the pavement which I usually manage by swinging off the pole. In this case it was touch off and bodily throw the walker out the door and buggar you lot waiting to get on, me first.
Missed the stop where the lift is.  Well, says I, managed the bus so what's the problem about an escalator.  Nothing actually except for the fact that the walker begins to tower over one's head as the bloody thing reaches the top, take the brakes off and don't let the bag slip off the shoulder and make a run like you're going for Platform 1+3/4.
Still on the 2nd floor and need 3rd but I know where the lift is.  $39 for a camera battery later and I'm on the downhill run and food.  I know I should have asked for it all in a bag but I've handled large trolleys and trays before but but small walkers, different animals.  Tray and food go one way, walker goes the other.  Thank you lovely girls who picked up the mess while I stood wanting to die.  Foodies gave me a free meal, darlings.
Still going downhill, heading towards the lift, decide because of screaming in pain foot to go down the travelvator.  Done that before with large trolley, but large trolley has grip wheels, walker doesn't and is wobbling from side to side because there's no way I'm letting go of one hand on the rail. 
I'm still on the 2nd floor, need ground floor for eggs so groan all the way to the lift, gallantly let women and children go first only because of the screaming and waving of ice-creams. 
Finally eggs, lettuce and Aldi's treasure of Christmas goodies which I wasn't going in for but specials which I was, hadn't arrived yet.  Muttering under breath I finally stagger towards taxi.
Driver very kindly throws walker onto back seat where it just fits.  Throws everything else in as well, the eggs survived. Throws everything out when we reach home sweet home.
Walker in front, try opening large gate without doing in a rib.  Lift walker over the half inch to the driveway, walk half on grass and half on drive because it doesn't fit.  Lift walker up two steps, lose another rib opening front door, lift walker up step to house.
Run in grab phone and cancel order for ritzy big arse walker.  I am not going anywhere where I will have the need to sit down.

Same thing today. Taxi to Doc Marvin who falls on desk laughing when I crash into his office door after missing the half inch carpet strip.  Blood pressure up a bit 166/80, BGL up but consistantly the same up for the last two months and it's not much.  Blood test sometime before Christmas.  BGL my fault for not reading the bottle that says take two, I can't see the damn things let alone read at that time of the morning. I have a full box of panic pills but I panic if I don't have a script.  All done.
Crash walker into surgery door  because it opens in.  Nearly fall over the footpath where the gumtree has tilted it like an earthquake landslide.
Safely across the road, safely to the bus stop, safely into the bus with the help of a schoolkid.  Driver waits patiently for me to negotiate downward to the footpath.  Kerb is six inches below me so by this time throwing the walker and following is becoming second nature.  Negotiate 3 doors into the Home where I fall into a chair and get hysterical laughter instead of sympathy. And that was my mother.

So I have worked out exactly where I will be walking with walker and it's not far.  The taxi company will be safely in the black while I'm out and about. Stuff buses.  There is a plus, I didn't panic once about falling over because of my lousy balance. On the minus side it didn't help one bit with the foot crunching pain. 

8 comments:

R.H. said...

Good heavens, get the stuff delivered.

I'll do a shop for you myself, dump it on your veranda, lettuce and everything!

Hello my little sweetiepies, yes it's me, your Uncle RH, loving you like a Louis Vuitton handbag hanging in St Vinnies. OH my word!!!- if I ever lied!

Listen, it's nearly Christmas, don't spend too much, or put it all on credit card and disappear. I did that in 1989. They're still looking for me.

-Robert.
Estate Agents and Pimps Collective.

Elephant's Child said...

Moving Medicare? It is a subtle guvmint ploy. Cheaper rent AND they hope that some of us will get permanently lost or die tracking the new office down. Last time I had to go there (and don't get me started on MyGov) I was so tired that by the time I got home I was in tears.
And why, oh why, don't the bus drivers lower that step.

Andrew said...

So how's your day been?

JahTeh said...

Robbert, how nice to hear from you and I do have the shopping delivered but Medicare demands a visit. My only Christmas present is a donation to the Fred Hollows Foundation and anyone else who can afford to send out begging letters with free gift is returned to sender. I would refuse to buy Louis Vuitton as I am not a walking advertisement for some poncy couture house.

EC, It was so easy at Southland especially mums with babies and kids but this place is the pits. And the bus came so quickly I didn't have time to visit the French Bakery round the corner. Lowering the step is fine as long as it's close enough to the kerb and some drivers are just plain sadistic.

Swine, just wait until you fall over a rock, roll down the bank into the Merri Creek, break your phone and have to crawl for help.

River said...

You probably won't believe me, but here in Adelaide we have buses that can be tilted/lowered (not all of them, but enough) so the old dears don't have to step up or down so far AND the drivers will get off and fold up your walker and put it where you are going to sit, some will even validate your ticket for you and when you are getting off the bus is lowered again or the wheelchair ramp is extended if the bus has one AND the driver does the helping thing again.
Does your walker have wheels? When (if)I eventually need one I'm having wheels.

River said...

Also I wear my bag across my chest so it doesn't keep slipping off my shoulder because that drives me bonkers, as does walking with one shoulder tilted trying to keep the bag from slipping. No wonder women get bad backs.

Ann ODyne said...

oh Coppy - beautiful post but what a bastard of a place is Sarfland.
good to see RH appear and right on his excellent form of old.
Hi to El Chi and River and love to youse all from way out here in the west

JahTeh said...

River, those driver are a national treasure. Of course I have wheels and bloody damn fast on a downhill slope.

About time you turned up O'Dyne and here's me worrying about giant snakes, lizards and wandering cows and you .05 with a power saw.