Spring tomorrow. Goodbye to 31 days of absolute shite involving physical and mental disintegration.
I had to severely slap myself around last night and acknowledge that sometimes, medication is neccessary, very much needed and should be taken without guilt. So I've upped the mind and body equalizers until I get to level ground above this pit of blackness.
I cannot help anybody else. I can't equate their problems with mine and think mine are not as bad and I should be grateful. I'm in trouble, me *slap* so start with the basics, medication and stop feeling guilty that I have to give in and take it.
Constant physical and mental pain shortcircuits everything in most people. Sometimes it doesn't but with me, I tend to be waving okay with one hand and digging myself into the black pit with the other. I find it impossible to talk about it to anyone and yet I will help others without a second thought.
Blame my mother, I do. I've shut down emotions so tightly so that I can deal with her and I don't think I'll ever open up again. Besides it's no good raging at her, she forgets about it after an hour or so but I'm left with the self-recriminations of losing control. My sister deals with it better, she walks out and never thinks about it again. I'm made of weaker stuff.
Thank you Great Maker for Codeine, anxiety pills and muscle relaxants. I'm taking all of them until my glass becomes half full again.
Just to make sure I had a good dose of the irrits. A mother and daughter have shed 140kgs in 16 months. The daughter weighed 166kg. and now weighs 76kgs. She took Celebrity Slim diet shakes for breakfast and dinner, with a cooked lunch including lean meat, fish and vegetables and had a 30 minute walk each day. They said it was easier to lose weight together.
Here's the good bit, Melody's previous diet included up to two blocks of chocolate and a packet of Tim Tams each day. My initial reaction was anyone could lose if they dropped that kind of diet, second reaction was several four letter words because it wasn't me, third reaction was sliding down into the pit again but good luck to both of them if they hold on to those bodies they've gained.
I hate Tim Tams, I don't like chocolate biscuits at all, see there's a silver lining everywhere.