How much renewable energy could we have by burning redundant politicians, 'let them eat cake' Hockey could burn for years!

On Thursday, Prime Minister Tony Abbott used primetime radio to boast about cutting clean energy, calling wind farms "visually awful" and arguing "I would frankly have liked to have reduced the number a lot more". 1

Now, his government is kicking straight into action by rescheduling a parliamentary vote for Monday morning to slash jobs and investment for Renewable Energy Target (RET).

But here's the kicker: Monday's proposed legislation won't just cut investment in clean energy. The Abbott Government wants to redefine 'clean energy' altogether, by including burning native forests in the Renewable Energy Target. A move like this could see the open slather logging of forests that our Australian wildlife depend on for survival. Just as terrible: every native forest cut down and burnt for electricity takes away from capacity and more investment in the clean energy of the future - like solar.

That's the email I received from "Get Up" today.  Does this idiot realize how long a native forest tree takes to become "renewable" again?  Are the animals renewable, you know the ones who shelter in trees, on trees or underneath trees?  Does this troll of a politician know how much carbon trees take in and oxygen put out for us to breathe?  Does this entire political party have a brain cell between them that can estimate the damage of trees burnt and sold as "renewable" energy?  Well, the way the Mad Monk obviously sees it, most of the liberal (I refuse them a Capital) party have been living in the shadow of wind farms and have been permanently damaged by it.

Oh, here's a clue.  Let's build solar reflecting panel farms in our famous red and flaming hot centre. Too expensive  or you don't know what they are?  It's a shame you don't have a Minister for Science to explain it to you.  He could also explain about building wind farms in windy places because the wind is free.  Never mind we'll have lots of windy places when all the trees are cut down.  Perhaps the Minister for the Environment could look up "Mallee" and see what the ignorant did to that region.
Do we have a Minister for the Environment, as in for all Australia not just looking after the grounds of Parliament House and making sure no-one sneaks a wind turbine up there considering the free hot air that flows from that asylum.  Oh dear, there goes another trigger word, Hello ASIO.

Get rid of it

This week, media reports emerged that the state paid $30 million a year to stage the Australian Grand Prix. The government has so far refused to confirm the figures but said the reports would make future negotiations with Mr Ecclestone more difficult.

Victoria has a contract to host the event until 2015.

On Wednesday, Tourism Minister Louise Asher said the present $57 million subsidy was too high.
"We think the taxpayer subsidy is too high and there are two issues here, one is the fee given to Mr Ecclestone and the other one is the total taxpayer subsidy for the event and the fee is of course part of that," she said.
But Mr Ecclestone would not comment on the reported $30 million figure – "maybe it's not a true figure," he said during a cagey interview on radio station 3AW – or the contracts signed with the state government.

On the other hand...

The Alfred hospital will slash elective surgery for six weeks from Easter with only the most urgent patients to be treated in a struggle to achieve a $7.8 million budget cut this financial year.

In a memo to staff on Wednesday, Alfred Health chief executive Andrew Way said elective surgery would be reduced at The Alfred and Sandringham hospitals from March 29 (Good Friday) to May 10, causing a waiting list blow-out.

The federal government said in October that Victoria would receive $107 million less than expected in health funding for the 2011-12 and 2012-13 financial years because of revised population data. Victorian Health Minister David Davis said he had no choice but to pass on the cuts to hospitals.

Meanwhile back in January 2011, Bernie said he'd have to work til he drops because of his daughters' lavish spending as in:

TAMARA ECCLESTONE, 26
'Me and my wardrobe': 

Tamara Ecclestone has a prediliction for Christian Louboutin shoes

£45million House in Kensington Palace Gardens

£1.5million (approx) The Swag and Tails pub

£9,000 Rolex watch

£2,000 Gold Roberto Cavalli sequinned dress

£700 each Handbags

£3-4,000 Four pedigree dogs
 £500 Laboutins to add to her shoe collection

£30/hr Personal trainer 

PETRA ECCLESTONE, 22
Petra's landrover

£66.5million Grade II-listed house in Chelsea, with planning permission for an underground swimming pool and gym
£40,000 Range Rover
£4,000 Four pedigree dogs

£200/week Dog walker

£1,000 Flight to Valencia for Grand Prix

£200/ week Hairdressing

£30 Weekly manicure

Of course both girls have upgraded in 2013, Tamara lost her bloke after a sleazy sex tape of him hit the internet then there was Petra's intimate wedding costing 12 million pounds including the 80,000 pound Vera Wang wedding dress. This was after buying Aaron Spelling's mansion for 52 million pounds. That's English pounds.

Now scroll up again and look at our hospitals in trouble.

Do we really need a Grand Prix or surgery beds for Victoria?

Grow some Ted and ditch him and the Grand Prix he drove in on.

I'm giving up hating Abbott for Lent.

Yeah, right, I'm lying after reading this.

"Mr Abbott says that with only just over 1 per cent of disability pensioners moving back into the workforce each year and nearly 60 per cent of recipients having potentially treatable mental health or muscular-skeletal conditions, it is time for reform."

My mental health does a bunk every time I see this fool spout more nonsense.

My muscular-skeletal condition crumbles when I think how many people voted for this this this this, oh for Heaven's sake whatever he is.

Not human.

OMG, what if he's an alien and they're all like him and we're invaded?

We'd be safe, if they're all as belligerent as he is, they'll fight each other to the death to get to the top.

Creep!

The Telstra bandwagon.

My turn for the Telstra snarl.

Bill for the Internet. I'm on pre-paid wireless, I think. I'm still confused and due to make another visit to the poor dears at the Telstra shop. I know to stand in front of the escape door to the back room and they are captive.

So we have:

Amount on your last bill $59.00
Amount you paid (as at 08 Oct 10) $59.00

Your balance $0.00
New Charges $178.28
(see over for breakdown)

Turn over the page:
Telstra Mobile Casual Plan $10 - 01 Nov to 30 Nov $10.00
Calls & Charges ineligible for Plan Discount
Mobile WAP/Internet Sessions $119.276
3G Data Pack 3GB - 01 Nov to 30 Nov $49.00

Total $178.276

I can't even check the 3GB usage because I delete records on the 1st of the month so I don't go over. None of the other accounts have Calls and Charges ineligible for Plan discount. Tension stay away from my door tonight, I'm in a killing mood.

And on the other hand. A car accelerated in reverse, not across the road, but down the road and mounted the curb, went across the nature strip, missed two huge gum trees but flattened the fence and nearly went through the plate glass doors at the home this morning. A woman driver, with a driving licence issued in Mumbai. I kid you not. Shook up the old biddies a bit as it was very early in the morning.

How was your day?

Sporting events

I bet you didn't think you'd ever see that heading on my blog.

So Melbourne lost 49 million bucks on the Grand Prick!
But Jeffery piped up and said it was still worth it. Bollocks! Hospitals, Ambos, SES, CFA, all of them could have used a chunk of the 49 million. I won't mention the thousands in sweeties the Parliament has scoffed, lardarses.
I am in the process of sending an email to my local representative.
Give the fucking bloody car race to anyone stupid enough to want it.

Overseas, South Africa spent billions on sporting stadiums for the World Cup. They are now sitting idle and there is no money to spend on the upkeep so it's likely they'll be torn down. South Africa is in crisis with an AIDS epidemic that is ongoing and that money could have saved lives. Billions to watch neanderthals kick a bloody ball around a stadium.

Delhi Commonwealth Games are right around the corner. And so is the crop of mosquitos carrying Dengue fever due to the floods and continuing monsoon rains. Don't worry, officials are saying, everything will be dry by the time the athletes get here. Everything including the terrorists. But they have them under control as well, don't worry, we're checking everything. Never mind the crazy Australian journos who are showing the home country how easy it is to buy explosives for a bomb, they've just having a laugh.

Olympic Games for Britain in 2012, along with a possible wedding for Will and Kate right after the Queen's Jubilee celebrations. A smorgesbord of events for every home grown terrorist
cell in the Kingdom but at least the Queen will be paying for the nuptials.

I think it's time the world realizes that we have gone long past the time when these events could be staged for a groat or two with a pig in a poke thrown in for a sweetener. The world is in crisis with health care whatever country you put a foot in. Children are dying for want of clean water, simple vaccines, saline solution for gastro.

So the next time Mr. Brumby brings up staging the World Cup in Victoria, he'll be missing a vote and it might be the crucial one he'll need.

STRESS, A TRUCKLOAD OF STRESS

I blame Lord Sedgwick for goading me into gloating that my troubles were over with AGL while his weren't. HahahahabloodyfarnarklingHa!!!!!!!

Gas account arrives for mother yesterday........$693.
Ring AGL.
Roar at idiot who won't give me details because they don't have a record of my PofA. I sorted this mistake out in February and had the direct debit re-instated, apparently not. In mid rant the wuss hung up on me.

Ring AGL.
Roar again, then ask for supervisor. While I wait, I breathe deeply and think of kitties. I'm reasonably calm when she also tells me I can't have details. After going through records of last supervisor....Hello David, hope you're enjoying the padded cell.....she tells me that there is a record of the direct debits to be re-instated but it hasn't been done. No merde, Sherlock!

There's still no reason for the DD being cut off without authorisation but a lot of reasons for me not to be able to have information without the PofA which they have also no record of.
It cost me $6 to fax through three pages at the post office this morning.

Ring AGL.
Sorry, we can't give you any information because it could take a week for the PofA to come through on the records.
Die, AGL, die painfully, slowly choking on your own red tape.

Stress load number two.
The carer comes to assess mother for showering. Of course she doesn't want to have one right then. Carer demands to know of me, why mother hasn't been showering. Well she couldn't get her out of bed, then so question answered, because the old bat doesn't want to.
She watches mother walk and imediately says her carers can't do the shower in case she falls.
Well isn't that why I'm having professionals come in to do it?
The shower is inspected.
Just take the doors off. Put up a shower curtain. Buy a bench seat where she can slide across without having to step over the rim. Then with MY HELP, the carer shouldn't have any trouble with her falling. MYFARNARKLINGHELP.
Do you see all the 'I's? I have to put up a curtain, I have to buy the seat, I have to be there.
The only good part is that mother's regular house keeper would be available to do the showering.
Mother is happy, she can control the house keeper.
I'm farnarkling under my breath, a lot.

Third stress load. Mother says did I get her message. God knows who she rang but it wasn't me. A man called and he's coming to inspect the smoke alarms. Merde, what??? I ring the maintainence department at Kingston to make sure it's not someone who's trying to get into the house to sell her something. Yes, he is booked in for an inspection. Who booked him in? The temporary housekeeper of last week who did farnarkling all but dust cobwebs and take orders from mother who sent her up to buy a new mop which she didn't use because no one could find the bucket and no one thought to buy another. Where was I? Maintainence man was cancelled because stupid woman, after finding the old smoke alarm on the kitchen table didn't think to look for the brand new one on the wall. And no, why would anyone actually throw out a broken smoke alarm before 12 months were up.

The mystery of the wool doona was solved. She doesn't remember ever having one. She doesn't remember the thermal blanket I crawled into the wardrobe to grab from the far reaches of that black hole. When I asked why there were three bottles of Palmolive washing up detergent in the bathroom vanity, she says the BrickOutHouse washes his hair in it. Why are there 3 cans of airwick anti-bacterial? She's never seen them. What is in the box marked medications? She's never seen that before. In other words BAD MAN DID IT AND RAN AWAY. This was after I washed the towells and her clothes which she'd put in a plastic garbage bag instead of the washing basket because she couldn't find one. There are six washing baskets in the house. I found them all, fought the bad man for them and brought them back. I replaced the light bulb in the lounge. She says I'm good at that, do I carry around spares all the time?

And I got rained on.

CREEPS!

I wasn't going to go into the debate about decriminalising abortion which will move to the upper house on October 7 but these so-called pro-life groups have really got on my wick.

The Right to Life Australia, Salt Shakers church, Coalition against the Decriminalisation of Abortion, the Catholic church, the Tell the Truth Coalition and the Coalition for the Prosecution of Prenatal Child Killers are waging a disgraceful campaign of intimidation. Cabinet Minister Jacinta Allan was sent a box of animal organs so they don't think animals have a right to life.

The Tell the Truth group has spent $70,000 to promote their self rightous views. $70,000 would fund an orphanage in Cambodia, feed children, already living, in refugee camps in Darfur, fund schools in Aceh and help stop child sex slaves in S.E. Asia.

How many of these do-gooders camped outside detention centres to protest about the children locked away? How many children have they helped by donating to Care Australia? How many disabled children, overseas and in this country, have they sponsored or adopted?

They're a bunch of filthy hypocrites always banging on about the sanctity of the unborn child but never protesting about the wars that are killing children already born. And what pisses me off most, the men protesting. They don't have wombs, they can't bear children so why are they telling women what they can and can't do? Of course with their twisted logic, I wonder they haven't wanted an amendment to make lesbians have mandatory abortions since they're an abomination to the Lord and shouldn't be allowed to have families. Creeps.

FAT PEOPLE ARE THE NEW TERRORISTS

BLOATED OBESITY COSTS A THREAT TO THE NATION

Don't you love that headline. According to the article the cost of the obesity crisis has soared to $58 billion a year and taxpayers are bearing the burden. It seems that I must apologise to all the supporting thin people out there who are carrying me on their backs.

There has been a staggering (their words) 137% increase in cases of type 2 diabetes caused by excess weight. Chronic diseases such as heart disease, osteoarthritis and some forms of cancer have also soared as waistlines have expanded.

Now for some figures. 3.7 million Australians are obese. 17.5% of the population which could increase to 18.3% by 2025.
The biggest price of obesity came from lost wellbeing, and estimate of $49.9 billion. Lost productivity cost $3.6 billion, direct burden on the health system was $2 billion and carers' cost topped $1.9 billion.
The Federal Government had the biggest share, 34% of the bill, 30% was covered by the individual and 19% by family and friends.

But that's only for obese people not the overweight so the true cost could be higher. The experts want a ban on junk-food advertising to children, better food labelling and funding for lap-banding surgery. I'm all for the first two but surgery as an option, not for me. The report was from the Diabetes summit in Hobart.

I knew they were keeping those detention centres for a reason. Can a fattie round-up be close?

The increase in diabetes could be due to the fact that it's routine to test for it now. 25 years ago if you complained to your doctor about a raging thirst and weight loss then you had a test. 25 years ago we didn't know the fat content of a Big Mac, didn't know about low GI foods and didn't worry about letting the belt out another notch. We didn't have the internet to research and didn't have carbs, fats etc. labelled on our food. We also didn't have experts blaming fatties for ruining the country's economy.

I've ranted about this before but it really gets on my wick. Good food costs a lot, junk food doesn't. Supermarket shelves are laden with cheap chemical quick meals, just add meat. Rows of biscuits, potato crisps, soft drinks and sweets out number the rows of vegetables. Even the vegetables are suspect. Apples come from cold stores, garlic from China, oranges from California, in fact name a country and the supermarket will source food from it.

I'm looking at having organic food delivered to the house but the cost might be prohibitive. Everything I buy is wholegrain healthy. This week I had a free loaf from Baker's Delight and I grabbed the white hi-fibre low GI loaf and felt like I'd just scored a bag of ecstacy in a sleezy back alley. I'm doing my best, croissants and an ice-cream only on Sunday, bypass the chocolate aisle, drink water but I'm only human not Wonderwoman and I stress eat.

I'm very conscious of health. In the last three weeks, I've had a cousin, neighbour and friend die, two from cancer and one from Diabetes. My cousin was 53, the neighbour was 60 and the friend was 47. Two smoked, one had never been sick with more than a cold and none was obese or even overweight. There's no easy answer. More exercise? Another friend who is an athletic trainer says losing weight is 20% exercise and 80% diet.

What I need is someone to serve me three meals a day so I don't have to think about it.

HATE POST

No, it's not about the Pope or Pell, as far as I'm concerned they don't exist in my time dimension.

My hate is directed to any of the slimey rotten criminals, girlfriends of criminals, wives, ex-wives or anyone else who is being given air time and being paid for it. Why should they profit when none of their victims can?

By victims, I mean innocent people who don't have a clue that they've been sucked into a non-legitimate business behind a legitimate front.

I won't watch a program or channel that puts to air anything about these gutter crawlers and neither should anyone with a conscience.

End rant.

@$#%^&*ING TAXI SERVICE

After another day at Southland and then mother's I decided I couldn't face the walk home so I rang for a taxi at 4.01 p.m.

I sat outside on the fence from that time until 4.45 when I rang again on the mobile this time.

I sat there for another 15 minutes until I nearly froze my tits off. No joke, it turned freezing.

I went back inside and rang the operator, no problems there's one on the way.

At 5.25, I rang again. Was I sure the address was ...........? @#$%!!

At 5.55, I rang the supervisor who checked and said 5 taxi drivers had said the pick-up was completed. She was outraged and 5 taxi drivers were listed for a rocket. If I wasn't picked up in 10 minutes, I was to ring her again.

At 6.15, another call to the supervisor and the despatcher. The sixth driver was threatened with no more jobs for the night unless I was picked up.

In all this time, not one taxi was spotted in the street. Even when I went inside I was sitting in front of a six foot wide/tall window where I could see the street. When it was dark, I put all the outside lights on.

At 6.27, a taxi arrived and I was delivered home at 6.32. The driver looked like Professor Snape, so much so I checked to see if it was a full moon. No kidding, he had shoulder length black hair parted in the middle and was wearing a long black coat. He also had no sense of direction but he was polite.

At 6.40, I had the gin in the glass and had opened a packet of jellybeans for tea.

How was your day?

ALWAYS SEND YOUR CHILD TO THE BEST SCHOOL

A good public school which will cost you more than a suburban house is supposed to turn out good citizens, educated, polite and upstanding.

Crap to the public schools little bastards who ran off the bus taking the emergency window handle with them thereby setting off the alarm which stops the bus which is taking me home and makes me just a tad homicidal.

Congrats to the driver who when into the newsagent and came back with sellotape for a makeshift repair.

Remember those old comedies where someone would take an orange from the bottom of the pyramid and the whole lot would fall? I'd like to choke the supermarket packer who thought it would be a good idea to do the same with blocks of chocolates. By the time I managed to get 10 or so blocks back on the shelf, I was half looking around for a concealed camera recording for 'Funniest Home Videos'.

It wasn't a pyramid of chocolate more like a roman arch with one block as the keystone. Impossible to re-create so I shoved the leftovers in the nearby freezer.

As our Bwca would say, 'Bad man did it and ran away'.

BB IS BA

I was unfortunate to have to endure 5 minutes of BB last night because I didn't want to miss the opening credits of 'The Revenge of the Sith'.

Channel 10 must be joking.

Or Channel 10 has discovered a way to remove a brain from a living person and turn them loose.

Channel 7 has put 'Stargate Atlantis' on so late that even I can't stay up to watch it.

And why? Because Channel 7 is showing 'Trinny and Susannah undress the nation'. A couple of pommie tarts who'd be right at home at BB are going to tell me how to dress. Two words, piss off.

My sister has a house guest who smokes (another rant). She smokes but always keeps the door open and tries to make sure the smoke doesn't blow over me.

House guest, who doesn't like BB so one point to him, is inclined to shut the door.

My lungs feel as though I've been smoking for years. My hair stinks. My dress, petticoat, bra and knickers are in the washing machine. My eyes feel raw.

I understand addiction, no cake shop is safe from my slavering jaws, but to feel like this every day is insane.

And just to round off the day, Mommie Dearest asked me to start looking for some new summer nightdresses to buy for her. Summer??? The only buying I had in mind was a ticket for the Orphans' Picnic.

TODAY'S REPORT

My sister came home last night to a crowd of people milling about the units where she lives. Now she knows there's no doubt about a housing crisis. Young, old, couples with babies, all very polite but desperate to get a two bedroom unit and willing to pay over $200 a week for it. I have to say the owner is not a greedy man and refused to let the estate agent advertise it for $250.

I hate internet banking.

My mother started taking her pills on the wrong day again.

My morning coffee break was continually interrupted by fat ladies wearing leggings and T-shirts going up an down the escalators. I'm allowed to crit fat ladies, I am one. It's not their fault but the fault of big stores who push these articles of clothing as the only suitable things for fat bums. I'll go with the leggings, just, but what's wrong with a nicely cut top that actually hides a few lumps and bumps. T-shirts do not hide anything. Okay so you think you look fat in a dress, well you probably do and that's because you're fat but you also look fresh and comfortable and, when you're not slopping in flipflop thongs, even a little elegant. Demand that stores stock bigger sizes at affordable prices.

The sight today that turned my head. A largeish Sudanese lady wearing a black and white print dress and looking stunning because she stood up straight and walked like a queen.

I was complimented about my new dress, lovely. It's rare that I finish all my summer frocks in the same year, there's always one ready for next season but when I put this one on, joy, it didn't fit. It was too big under the arms and across the shoulder. How can I lose weight there and not off the lardarse? I can't do much about the yoke but I can run it in 2 inches either side, 4 inches, 4 whole inches. I celebrated with cake, I'm all for reward.

Tommorow would have been my wedding anniversary, gag.

My thoughts on binge drinking. Where are they getting the money to buy booze when I can't?
Don't shut the pubs early or they'll drink in the streets, not that they aren't now, but at least keep them locked in four walls and make the booze sellers look after them. I've lived my life with drinkers, I don't like it. My sister drinks, sometimes to excess but you can never tell with her. My ex drank, you could tell with him, he'd walk on tiptoe and bounce off the walls. I can't drink more than 2 or 3 or I'm comatose so to see very young teens right off their heads on alcohol is plain nasty. Space yourselves kiddies, you might live to drink your pension cheque dry.

Bombay Sapphire is up again.

Cigarettes are over $10 a packet, that is single packet. I don't give cigs much thought but when I saw a young 'lady' buying a packet today and handing that kind of money over, I wondered how much a week was going on these. And the photos on the packs aren't doing any good. Sister and friends swap packets with each other if they can't stand the photos they have. What one smoker can tolerate, another can't. Brilliant ad campaign, really working.

I'm snarky, must be the age thing or the anniversary thing or the fact that he's still breathing.

DUCK MY MOTHER

More of the synchrotron ducks.

Click here to read that a duck's quack does echo. Thank you Lord Hughes for the misinformation. I'm still looking for ducks tongues.

Now you all know the drill, anyone with a nice mother, piss off and don't read any further.

The manipulating old bat has scored another one for the gipper. I will try to tell a cohe(rant) version of the can opener. The same can opener that went missing for months because she put it away with the Bamix because it was the same colour. She was walking around with it in the walker last Thursday and she was going to lend it to a neighbour to use as a demonstration model as said neighbour was going to sell them. Argument starts because we all use it. She says it's hers and she can do what she likes. Phone call later that night demands to know the name of the book because I'm not telling her so she can't give the neighbour the can opener. Book?? The one I get from the company that makes the can opener. What??? You know what I'm talking about. Crap??? The only book I get is Avon. That's the one she says. By this stage I believe Dame Joan Sutherland wouldn't have topped my high C. Time to ring the neighbour. She is going to train as a demonstrator for Tupperware and my mother said no-one uses the can opener so take it but neighbour did offer to pay for it but mother said no, they never use it. This is a $50 can opener we never use. I tell neighbour we use it all the time, no worries she says, I'll demonstrate with mine. Tell old bat next morning that it's Tupperware and put the can opener back in the drawer. "I knew that", she says.

My sister gave her chocolates for her birthday. She told the BrickOutHouse, she didn't really like them but said not to tell his mother. Sister know all this but asks if she liked them. According to the old bat, she didn't get a chance to find out since BrickOutHouse took them off her and ate them. Lying old toad has eaten a 750 gram box of Cadbury's Favourites in two days.

Sister caught her tonight, wandering up the hall with the walker stashed with chicken and pasta salad and two, TWO frozen desserts. She's hungry and has hardly eaten a thing all day. Excuse me, Old Bat. Who was there all day, cooking in the heat, freezing meals and getting your lunch of sandwiches and blueberries mini muffins all between unloading the dryer and dishwasher? Oh yes and she didn't really like the muffins but she'll freeze them in case there's nothing else to eat.
Sister nearly broke her fingers dialing the phone to tell me.

Pardon me while I have another Dame Joan moment. High CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!

I HATE NEW YEAR'S EVE/DAY/MONTH

I hate fireworks.

I hate drunks.

I hate making resolutions.

I hate January.


A special place in hell is reserved for people who friend me on flushbucket and make me re-sign to see what they're saying about me.

NIGELLA, THE BIG COOK

I was well underway at being pissed off by Ma when I read this article about Nigella Lawson. Ma rang in panic, she didn't know why she didn't have her medication for Tuesday because she was sure she hadn't taken it with her breakfast. That was because she didn't know yesterday was Wednesday and she hadn't taken the damn pills. After several, "Are you sure it's Wednesday?" I finally got the pills into her at 1.30 which meant about 14 hours without morphine. (I am aware that I'm writing this on Friday but it was Thursday when I started) My sister checked her out when she got home to find her roaming around trying to kill the spiders in her jacket and floating in the air.

Serves me right for having a laugh at her expense when I got up this morning to discover Huntzilla Rex on the ceiling. I thought the last huntsman was huge but this had it beat. I thought I might leave it until I came home but a closer look and I tell you that mother had childbearing hips. So I went to grab the pick up stick and a much much bigger bag than I usually use and even then it managed to race up the bag and start down the stick. Being an old hand at spiderwrangling, I already had the front door open and all went out with a crash. I was really brave in the open and had a poke at the arachnid which reared up with the fangs going like crazy.

So back to Nigella. One critic described her cooking style as "a heart attack on a plate". Another claimed that her new show contained "scenes of gluttony not seen since the golden age of the Cookie Monster". Then there are the website forums where commenters have been less than complimentary about the Domestic Goddess. FFS, why should Nigella take any responsibility for any adult person's obesity as one study has claimed. Cop this from a spokeswoman from the Medical Research Council who carried out the study.
"The problem is compounded because Lawson is seen as both posh and sexy, which makes people feel comfortable about eating a piece of fried eggy bread covered in strawberry sauce in bed. If it was a recipe created by Waynetta Slob, then maybe they would think differently."

Duh! I liked Ioan Gruffydds as Hornblower (a lot, drool) but it didn't make me want to run out and join the navy as a midshipman. I watched her last week and while I loved the Black Forest Trifle I didn't gallop into the kitchen and make one up. I liked last night's chicken roast and spent 5 minutes converting it to Tofu.

Her kids don't look obese and while she's no size zero, she's not obese either. While I do think adults are responsible for childhood obesity in many cases, that stops when the children are made to take responsibility for themselves. I love The Cook and The Chef and you wouldn't call Maggie Beer a size zero either but their food is fresh, it looks delicious and while I can't eat it, I can look and enjoy. I'd rather watch Nigella cook food than watch stick insects parade on a catwalk, where the only thing keeping them together is cigs, coke and the other coke.

I'M BACK

This was the only bright spot in my week. My snowdrops are up for the fourteenth year in a row. The statue is standing on what's left of the Blue Spruce I had cut down last year.

Tuesday until Sunday, that must be a record for me keeping quiet but it was a bad week with Mater doing everything short of spinning her head 360 degrees and spewing pea soup at us. Bitch phase ended yesterday, morphing into nauseous terrified little old lady phase. This change of personality is shortening to fortnightly cycles and increasing in duration. It's never gone on for five days before.

The only dish that's been washed is the cat's since he has a habit of hooking his food off the plate onto the floor if the plate isn't clean. Good thing he's old and can't see the state of the floor. I have two shoulder bags half cut out and left where I dropped and ran. Half finished blog posts are hiding in the bottom of my bag, written on scraps of paper. I managed to change the bed at midnight on Friday. To give myself a treat, I decided to put on the flannelette sheets that took me so long to pay off last year that summer hit before I could use them. Bottom fitted sheet seemed a bit snug so I clipped the elastic only to have the whole corner rip. It was nowhere near a queen bed size, only a double so I checked the top flat sheet and it's so big it would qualify for king size. Waste not, want not, pillow cases and a nightdress coming up, not that I wear a nightie but there's always one on the bedpost in case of fire.

The fat bashing continues with articles in magazines, newspapers and on TV. My own scales contribute this morning with me throwing a John McEnroe and screaming, "you've got to be kidding!!!" We'll just forget it until next week. Dr. Rosemary is at it again, calling for a fat tax on unhealthy food. She says the proceeds of the tax should fund education and subsidise the exorbitant cost of fresh fruit and vegetables for rural people. Crap, I'm suburban and I haven't noticed I'm getting cheap vegies. According to a study by Curtin University, a 15 per cent tax would net the Federal Government $1.5 billion a year, 30 times the amount spent on health promotion. More statistics, obesity cost Australians $21 billion in 2005 in direct spending (on what?), disability and premature death. Obesity-related illnesses kill 17,000 people each year.

And if that's not enough, I read in New Scientist of a link between the obesity epedemic and global warming. Apparently fat people not walking means more car use. Fat people eating more food means a heavier (haha) carbon foot print because we eat food with more fats and refined sugars. Greater food consumption means more organic waste producing more methane. Then, like Dr. Rosemary, the article starts on health. Fat people have more back pain, arthritis, shortness of breath, increased risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, osteoarthritis, infertility, gallstones and several types of cancer. I'm sure if the author had tried harder, he could have blamed us for the Iraq war because more oil is required to fuel the trucks to bring us the food.
His final words, "pandemic obesity is an energy vortex. It is time to treat it as the potential global environmental catastrophe that it is".

Lordy, that's made me so depressed, I'll just go and have a block of chocolate and a quick vodka to recover. Just to be totally and politically incorrect, perhaps I could sponser an anorexic to offset my carbon blubberprint. Don't bother leaving anonymous comments about being cruel and unfeeling. I'm fat and annoyed and want to pull the arms off thin people. How long before we're rounded up and shipped off to those vacant detention centres for a 1200 kilojoule and 20 km hike life style change. I wouldn't put anything past this government and I expect Joe Hockey to be on the first bus inland.

Don't leave yet, the griping isn't finished. Next on the list is the electronic card to be given to families on welfare support. This is supposed to stop parents (lazy or irresponsible parents according to my other favourite nerk, Bill Muehlenberg) gambling and drinking the money that should be spent on food for their kids. Dumbarse morons in high places, as though the parents wouldn't sell the food as fast as they bought it for booze and gambling. I know this would happen because in my extended family there exists some of the most professional welfare rorters in history. Don't forget either that this same government taking this measure to protect little children is the same government giving away thousands of dollars to parents to have children in the first place.

Done with the rants, let's go back to the snowdrops.

DAMN BUREAUCRACY

First gripe not strictly bureaucracy but crappy taxi driver who told me if he'd known I was only going 3kms, he wouldn't have picked me up. He was also furious that I had a taxi directorate card. My regular drivers know I always tip well because of the shortness of the trip and I hate myself for tipping this pile of merde. On the good side my allowance has started again so I'm not chewing my fingers every time the fare comes up.

What really got me going today was AustraliaPost. They've decided to stop their BillManager payment system because not enough people were using it. How many people are not enough? I couldn't ask them because they sent out the letter with the wrong phone number for enquiries.

My squeal is that our council, in the only intelligent thing it's done in years, arranged for the rates to be paid fortnightly by the BillManager system. It's been a weight off my mind and almost the only way I've been able to keep the house. Complaint to the Rate department was heard politely but the council haven't put anything in place to carry on this arrangement. It's back to full payment or four equal amounts. He did tell me that the four equal amounts can be paid off weekly but after a bit of arithmeticking, that's going to leave me more than broke.

Tomorrow, more phone calls to my council rep and she had better earn her money. My mother and I can't be the only people using this system. The guy told me they can't do Direct Debit from the bank either because people don't leave enough money in their accounts. How dumb is that, DD's mean you leave the money in the bank and use what's left which is what I do with all the other bills. I tell you this is going to end in swearing, a lot of swearing.