BIG SEX

No, perverts and porn addicts, not that kind of sex. This is about 'big girl' sex, kindly brought to you by the North American Association for the Study of Obesity. Apparently if we 'big girls' start to lose weight we will see an improvement in the quality of our sex lives. I thought for a moment it meant they were going to train men to stop looking for J.Lo and start dealing with reality. But no, it comes down to us not feeling sexually unattractive and improving desire with even a moderate weight loss.

I have lost quite a lot of weight but it hasn't helped my sex life. I'm still reading about other people's, all the thrills without the spills so to speak. It's nice to have a man say it doesn't matter how big you are and then compare you to two Kylies rolled into one. How wonderful to be compared to someone I could wear as a lapel brooch.

I have to admit I'm as bitchy as the next thin person when it comes to another woman's weight.
I compare all the time and my standard measurement is whether I would need sunscreen if I stood behind 'her over there'. 'Her over there' is usually wearing stretch pants and a T-shirt that could double as an I-max screen. Never mind the weight, stretch pants are sexually unattractive even on a hot guy riding a bike. Mmmmmm..... hot guy on a bike.....okay desire is working.

The problem is and always will be no matter how thin I get (the QE11 is ever going to be a 12 metre yacht) I don't see myself as sexually attractive. I could get a PhD in seduction but would always fail the practical. I mean I wouldn't sleep with me if I was the last person on earth. All those self help books say you must love yourself first then others will.

Well, I do love myself, every glorious hectare, I just don't fancy me.