Saturday, April 14, 2007


Well I don't really deserve a star but I'm giving myself one anyway. After flirting with the pav on Sunday and re-acquainting myself with the raspberry cheesecake on Thursday, I really wasn't expecting a good result but ****133.4kgs****. I have plenty of witnesses, the weight machine is in the dining room and 6 little old ladies hadn't finished lunch and they gave me a cheer.

It's been a stressful week, as Basil Faulty would say "Just don't mention the Mother!" and any other time I would have emptied the freezer and chocolates wouldn't have been safe in a bank vault.

Now to the chocolates. I was ferreting around in the top of the junk cupboard and found a small box which contained squares of gold foil paper. I used to make chocolates, I'd forgotten that I had a little business before I went into craft in a big way. The chocolate business went downhill when every cake decorating place suddenly had classes in chocolate making. I remember the horrible results of putting chocolate buttons in tiny plastic moulds and proud hostesses passing them around with the coffee. Suddenly every person was an expert. It was repeated over and over again with every craft craze.

After the papers, I went looking for the recipes. Why did I think I was a lazy person because I didn't have a tidy house? I never had time, kids, dogs, cats and a thoroughly incompetent moron, scrap that, he was a very good moron, incompetent husband. Along with the chocolate recipes was a list of things to do for one Christmas. There were chocolate orders to fill, 6 Christmas cakes to make and ice and 6 Christmas puddings. The puddings were easy, I always make a boiled fruit cake mix and cook it in cellophane. The cakes were much more involved because I used a recipe that contained coffee, plum jam, prunes and Tia Maria. It's a wonder the kitchen didn't spontaneously combust, all of the fruit was put in bowls with gallons of booze. TiaMaria for the cake and dry sherry for the puddings and according to my notes this had to be done by the beginning of November.

The chocolate recipes made my mouth water until I remembered how much my back would ache at the end of dipping day. I couldn't even buy cellophane bags to put them in, so I made my own in chocolate coloured cloth with tiny orange flowers, tied up with green and orange bows. Fabric doesn't rot, I found a piece in with the patchwork. Here are a few on my list......
Apricot Delights, Cherry Ripe, Caramels, Walnut fudge, Tia Maria truffles, Peppermint creams, Almond creams, Coffee truffles, Fruit and nut clusters. There's a little note on the Fruit and nut recipe, reminding me that I wouldn't get a good shine on the chocolate because of the amount of booze in the fruit.

For next Christmas, for old times sake I'm going to make one more cake. I'll even ice it. I'll give the chocs a miss though, they were hard, hard work.


Lord Sedgwick said...

Chocolate crackles, chocolate crackles.

"Your mission, Copper Phelps, if you choose to accept

lucy tartan said...

If you have any Mr T-shaped chocolate moulds apparently they fetch quite the tidy sum on e-bay.

Andrew said...

I want some peppermint creams, just like I used to have back at school. One lass made herself sick on them.

R.H. said...

About ten years ago there was a dear sweet kind little thing working at Bakers Delight in Williamstown. I bought a bun from her and she asked, "Would you like me to ice it for you?" I said no thanks, and have been broken-hearted ever since.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Oh MY! If you ever want to come round and still on a stool in my kitchen doling out instructions, please do. These are the kinds of skills that demand acolytes.

JahTeh said...

My chocolate crackles had real chocolate as well as that copha stuff and you just had to mention chocolate crackles didn't you.

Lucy I remember watching a neighbour paint hideous colours in the moulds then pour white compound over the top. They tasted like 50 year old Easter eggs. I'm trying to imagine a chocolate Mr T.

Peppermint creams work best with the 70% dark chocolate and no green colouring and not thin like those piddly after dinner mints.
Andrew, you didn't give them to that girl did you?

Rh, you should have gone for the lot, icing, coconut and nuts, faint heart never won fair lady.

Alexis, if I had found these earlier I would have advised you on chocolate coated brussell sprouts.

BwcaBrownie said...

God i enjoyed reading that post.
shiny shiny chocolate.

I just found a site that sells ethical chocolate

and my favourite diet is the darrell Lea Peppermint Creams diet - buy a bag, eat 3, after that, feel too sick to eat anything else at all.

JahTeh said...

The Oxfam shop sells ethical, fair price chocolate too.