Wednesday, April 18, 2007


It really is a serious question in what has been an extremely seriously seriously crapola week for me.

If you can answer this you get a prize and if you believe that, I also have a bridge I want to sell you and $4 million hidden in a gold mine in Africa.

Why does one have to have one last pee before all systems close down for beddie-byes?

It doesn't matter if I've been 12 times already and done it in the evening shower, the bladder always wins.

You can, and I have, ignore the subliminal message travelling along the neural networks but you'll end up dreaming you're trying to use a transparent glass toilet in the middle of a freeway at rush hour and being too gentrified to let go.

That's when you wake up and it's all hands to the pump (I wish I hadn't used that) and running not walking to the nearest lav although sometimes it's better to walk slowly, carefully keeping one's legs very close together but not as tight as a pelvic exercise.

This is another instance where women have it all over men (damn those 'Carry On' movies). We can get out of bed, walk, sit and sluice with our eyes shut. Men on the other hand can't aim and pee stone cold sober and with eyes wide open let alone half asleep thinking they're in a transparent glass toilet in the middle of a freeway at rush hour.


Lord Sedgwick said...

Dammit woman, you've been CSIing the stains on the carpet between the Pleasure Palace (AKA the vice regal bawdroom) and the Little Boys Room on the CCTV.

In the words of the Coodabeens "You can get arrested for that."

JahTeh said...

That surprises me, from rumours that have reached me via 30 pieces of silver nitrate museum quality film, you could tie a knot in it and still use it to breathe underwater. I must stop this, I'm turning into an oldephile.

Andrew said...

(highriser develops new interest in Lord Sedgwick)

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

I hear you, lady, on the subject of the pre-somnulent wee. A friend (of dubious hygiene) plans to patent "The Pisstaker", a device that allows you to urinate in bed and safely funnels the results into a suitable receptacle.

Ron said...

"We can get out of bed, walk, sit and sluice with our eyes shut."

Since my prostate cancer treatment, I have to get up up to six times a night. I have learnt that 'the women's way' whilst virtually sleepwalking is far superior (although one needs to a add short, sharp shake at the end).

Ron said...

Talking of peeing, do you think these will ever take off for women in Australia?

CelloBella said...

I'm so with you there. And even if you have just been, then read in bed for maybe 10 minutes - you still can't sleep until you go again... is this a throw back from wetting our beds when we were little??

JahTeh said...

Alexis, follow Ron's link, it's already been invented.

Ron, you're re-defining 'dirty old man'. Keep it going and we'll let you join our 'dirty old tarts' club.

CB, it's always when the pillow is just right, the bed is just warm, the eyes are just closing and before the snoring starts beside you, it's go time.