Some people leave footprints on our heart.
Cats leave fur on our sweaters.
Dogs leave drool on our shoes.
Families will crap on our doorstep.
So when life gives you crap, garden it and make roses.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
MY NEW MOTTO FOR LIVING
"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart."
In a different context (but not entirely different, for sensory overload is likewise involved) I linger on the entree then straight to dessert ''' followed by a fag. Back when I was smokin' that is ... was.
'tis Monday evening and I is still recovering from conspicuous over consumption at the Red Emperor - followed by a totally unnecessary post prandial visit to Koko Black.
(I officially weighed in at 482 kilos this morning. I blame her pre birthday indulgences.)
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand-motherly elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.'
14 comments:
heh heh, pass the chocolate...
Please tell me Meredith, do you look at the dessert menu before the mains like me?
In a different context (but not entirely different, for sensory overload is likewise involved) I linger on the entree then straight to dessert ''' followed by a fag. Back when I was smokin' that is ... was.
'tis Monday evening and I is still recovering from conspicuous over consumption at the Red Emperor - followed by a totally unnecessary post prandial visit to Koko Black.
(I officially weighed in at 482 kilos this morning. I blame her pre birthday indulgences.)
Andrew will be thrilled, you were followed by a fag?
You went to Koko Black without sending me the leftovers, you you you uppercrust swine.
Koko black has apparently come to Canberra, but I'm too scared to find it.
I always read the dessert part first, to decide whether to hold back on the mains a bit...
Whaaat were they thinking?
Duck, please you must go and a full review posted as soon as possible.
MC, We have 'Death by Chocolate' afternoons at the Windsor Hotel and one day, it'll be my turn to waylay the dessert cart.
Can i be a saxophonist, watching the waiters shift the chairs .. heh.
Ahhh... But your ship ain't sinking... You're still going to be around to observe the effects...
[cackles]
Davo, having been on the Titanic I can tell you your playing was really something.
Right Bear, is that a reference to my ever increasing stern?
Just realised I 'k'd up that Koko Black link.
Try #2 Koko Black.
I blame the kilderkins!
You're determined to derail my diet Sedgwick and I'm not going to look especially since I can't go there and looking isn't the same as tasting.
The Daily Mail
I'm to lazy to go to my email and email you that.
and i can't figure out flixster either
so "yes it's the one with Pete and Dud - full of great lines
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a
question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a
Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a
grand-motherly elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and
asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I
know you.'
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a
drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them
was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said,
If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to
the electric chair.'
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:52 PM
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