Tuesday, November 27, 2007


The beauty label Nephria commissioned a poll which showed men were left hanging around for an average of 17 minutes each time they went out with their partner. It was an average of one hour and two minutes waiting in shops.

Women spend up to 2 years and nine months over a lifetime to get ready for work, or go on a big night out. The poll gets right down to the nitty-gritty showing that women typically spend 22 minutes showering and shaving their legs, seven minutes moisturising or applying fake tan, 23 minutes on their hair, 14 minutes on make-up and six minutes getting dressed.

Most men say they get fed up waiting - and one in 10 has even ended a relationship because of it.

Big deal!

Women spend a lifetime waiting for men to put the toilet seat down. How many minutes do we wait until the last goal is kicked before we get taken out? How much time do we waste putting on an oxygen mask before the male gets the hint and uses deodorant? How many hours do we waste before he admits defeat and stops to ask for directions? How many eye-rolls can we get to the second before he realises that we don't care about the 44DD serving behind the bar?

Toughen up guys, patience is a virtue and while virtue is its own reward, you still have to wait for sex if we have a headache.


Brian Hughes said...

"Women spend a lifetime waiting for men to put the toilet seat down."

Women, of course, never lift the toilet seat up, which is incredibly selfish. But you never hear men complain. That's because they can't get a word in edgeways.

In the words of Jimmy Carr on telly last night: "My girlfriend was always complaining that I left the toilet seat up. So I started putting it down. Now she complains because there's piss all over it."

JahTeh said...

My dear Hughes, I would certainly put the toilet seat up as soon as I work out how to set the spring trap to bring it down at the appropriate moment. I still don't see why men have to put it up, the seat, not the other. I mean how hard is it to pee in a slightly smaller opening and, like a sauce bottle, if you hold it upright it won't drip. Talk about men the wanker sex.

Brian Hughes said...

Try aiming a running hosepipe at a plantpot without getting the window ledge wet and you'll see the problem...especially after several pints.

n.b. This excuse also works for men who have difficulty locating the right orifice in the dark.

Mindy said...

I'll have to tell my hubby how lucky he is. I spend about 6 minutes in the shower, 2 minutes moisturising, 1 minute running a comb through my hair, I don't wear any makeup and I can get dressed in about 2 minutes because that is the maximum length of time between dressing the kids and them finding something to cover themselves in while I get dressed. 11 minutes is pretty good.

Ann ODyne said...

all that waiting that men have to do is their punishment for mating with one of those high-maintenance chicks, instead of one like me and mindy.

on the other hand, Eric 'Slowhand' Clapton (is God) famously wrote a hit song about it while waiting for Pattie Bunny Boyd to do the full slap.

The universal toilet-seat detente has always driven me crazy. If we can open and close frig doors and car doors, and indeed doors .. then surely the damn lav is no different. it's HINGED fer chrissakes.

Ampersand Duck said...

As far as I'm concerned, the less toilet-touching I have to do, the better. And as any good Aussie knows -- if the gate is closed when you find it, make sure it's closed when you leave it.

JahTeh said...

Hughes is hung like a hosepipe!!! Photos please, I need something to frame for Andrew for Christmas.

Mindy, that's called multi-tasking and women excel at it but 11 minutes is exceptional.

Annie, don't you see the difference, doors open out, seats go up and down. Their brains aren't hard wired for cross functioning. They'd all die of thirst if beer bottles opened from the bottom.

Duckie, I've never met a man yet who would close anything except a beer fridge.

Brian Hughes said...

I refer, of course, to a fire-engine type of hosepipe as opposed to the regular weedy garden nonsense.

Along with toilet seats, women also complain frequently that men don't know where the clitoris is.

We do. We just don't care.

Maja said...

Who cares about the toilet seat. I just want the lid closed so when the loo flushes drops of toilet water don't splash all over the bathroom.

I love it when my boyfriend is waiting for me to get ready, yet once I'm ready, hasn't shut the windows, locked the back doors, turned off the tv or even found the car keys.

Maria said...

Brian - When men really want to find the right orifice in the dark, when it hinges on relief or no relief ... they will find it.

Apply to toilet seat philosophy, it is possible.

Besides, how many men go to the toilet in the dark? You have many advantages with the toilet - a lightswitch, and I should hope the average toilet bowl opening is a little larger than the average ... err-hum ... orifice you seek in the dark.

Otherwise perhaps your partner needs to have a medical or you need to have a chat with the person from whom you purchased your bathroom equipment.

JahTeh said...

Keep it up ladies and Hughes will have no hosepipe left, not that we'd care much, what with no photos to judge if he is worth caring about and declaring his hosepipe a national treasure.

That's a bit of a heavy flusher you have there Maja, isn't there a little handle to turn the water down a bit. Agree about the male too, I had one the same.

Maria, a very Lizzie Bennet put-down and very like advice I was given by an old lady on a bus who said always check the seat after your gentleman has been. If there's water there's trouble in the works so show him the door.

Middle Child said...

Women are always lifting up the toilet seat seing as they are the only ones who ever care if its clean or not... and women seldom miss...given our equipment we do well...

men and Brian is one such are prone to exageration...mine once said when discussing Condoms (never ever wore one) because he said he'd need a truck tyre tube to fit his...

with that equipment no doubt he could have hired out as some sort of roit hose...or somat...ah God...better stop me.

how did I get to this?

JahTeh said...

Don't worry MC, Hughes and his hose pipe has this effect on even the most sensible of women. You are laughing aren't you?

Brian Hughes said...

If I've said this once, I've said it a million times, I do not exagerate.