Friday, November 28, 2008


I was stuck in Target yesterday, in the middle of the toy department, by shoppers. My fault for taking the wrong aisle to layby but the place is so maze-like I expected to see the goblet of fire any minute.

Trapped in the doll section, not even in the action man section.

I see a niche in the market for a specialty doll.

A man doll that comes with detachable equipment.

The excitement of Christmas morning as the lonely divorcee sits beside the tree, ripping off the parts and jamming them back. Upside down, sideways, up its nose, dipping parts in boiling water and watching them droop. Sticking great big needles through the sensitive bits.

I could install a voice box that screams and begs for mercy.

I'll make my fortune.


River said...

"..ripping off the parts and then jamming them back" HAH!! There'd be no jamming them back going on here. There'd be a chopping board and a giant knife, there'd be a candle holder and a firelighter, there'd be a sink with a working waste disposal. You get the idea.

JahTeh said...

River, I can forgive you the violence, you're still married.
Perhaps I could install a chopper inside the doll like those disgusting Baby Alive dolls.
I think it will have to be sold with spare bits and accessories, like a firelighter and candle holder and maybe some acid that melts plastic. I'm just brimming with ideas. You'll get royalties for the firelighter and candle idea.

Lord Sedgwick said...

Good to see you're embracing the Xmas spirit of peace on earth, good will to men.

Not getting anywhere near you and a hovering sprig of mistletoe during the festering season.

Jayne said...

If it were true to life, J, it would be brimming with cow manure like some men I know :P

Ann ODyne said...

to order 3 please.

R.H. said...

I was at Werribee plaza yesterday and someone who'd know said, "Don't be here when that cash gets handed out on December 8, you'll get crushed to death."
Well I have indeed heard there's a huge build up of stock.
Should be a riot.

JahTeh said...

Rh, the seniors magazine came out and said the money would be paid between the 8th and 19th of December so it won't all be on the same day. Mine's going under the bed and I have a list in order of importance.

Annie, did you read Rh's comment about the car? How the crims stole it and mailed it back piece by piece. You'd have enjoyed doing that to the blonde.

Jayne, you forgot the smell of manure, we don't want to go over the top. Perhaps they could come filled with marshmallows which we would extract from its flip top head with a sharp instrument.

MiLord, the only man getting goodwill is Kevvie, as long as the loot is in the bank.
Mistletoe is full of Nargles, ask Hughes.

River said...

Oh, I was referring to my first husband....

R.H. said...

Well darlings if you want to get run over by a plasma TV just ignore Uncle RH's warning.

JahTeh said...

First husbands are always the worst, River, after them we're usually more careful.

Rh, a plasma tv for $1,400, you must be dreaming.

R.H. said...

Cop this:

AWA 42" (106cm) plasma with built-in tuner: $998.

AWA 19" (48cm) LCD with HD tuner: $398.

Sanyo 32" (81cm) plasma with
HD tuner: $748.

Sanyo 32" (81cm) LCD TV HD tuner: $848.

-Advertised in current BIG W sales brochure.

You don't know prices. Two years ago I bought my daughter a 42" LG plasma for her birthday. It cost me $2,400 and was a bargain at the time. Now it's $1450, the same set. In 2001 a 3 megapixel Kodak camera was $600, now it's $I40 for a 10 megapixel. And so the market's swamped, prices reduce, but they still make a profit. The trick is to get the suckers constantly throwing out perfectly good items and buying new ones. It's happened with TV sets. A ten to twenty year-old TV with a perfectly good picture costs about $40 at Savers, so why the hell would anyone want a $5000 "Home Cinema"? How bloody ridiculous. If you want a 'cinema experience' you nerds go there!

Kris McCracken said...

For whatever reason, I misread that second sentence as "the wrong aisle to lady boy". That is disconcerting! Then I realised that it was wholly compatible with the rest of the post.

I think that a lady boy dolly is an excellent idea. Get cracking!

Ozfemme said...

I'm getting in on the ground floor on this one! I can head up the marketing division in the Southern Hemisphere ... no make that both hemispheres. Get your people to call my people....

Middle Child said...

Should catch on - patent it okay!!!

R.H. said...

Miss J. Where are you?

JahTeh said...

Kris, a lady boy doll? Tasmania has a lot to answer for, it's truly the Island of Derangement. Would you like couture with that order?

Rh, those prices are still way out of my league. I have a dentist to support, gin to buy and perfume to squander my money on.

Bella, women would rush us off our feet. I was also thinking along the lines of detachable zits and various sizes of Prince Alberts.

Therese, especially for you, it'll be dressed in scrubs and will come accessorised with large sutures and needles.

Rh, meltdown, family in hysteria, just the usual fun time but I'm baaaack.