Saturday, October 29, 2005


It was hard going this morning, sometimes the knees need bribing to start moving. It doesn't help getting a driver who likes to jerk the bus and the backside hits the seat before the knees are ready. Instant pain. The train ride is always peaceful but not today. The girl behind me coughed all the way to Frankston. Real gut wrenching lung busting hacking coughs. At one stage I expected to see bits of lung go flying past and land half way up the carriage. I kept thinking of those signs they used to have in wartime, 'Is your journey really necessary?'. It wasn't much good moving, any germs had enough momentum to hang a left around Mars.

No taxis, so a half hour walk to M-in-law. Every time I think I'll tell her that it'll be just once a month, she comes out with something really nice and I can't do it. "I can always count on you," she says. "All the rotten things that you've gone through and you're still the same nice person you always were." She's so pleased that I didn't drop her when he left and I still can't do it. I can feel my guardian angel belting me about the head with his wings while yelling 'old lady, be kind, be kind'.

Walk back to the train which is full of grotty teenagers, mobile phones, school bags and more germs than I had this morning. I get a tap on the shoulder from a nose ring and pink hair and an unexpected niceness. She likes my hair comb and would I mind telling her where I bought it. I make my own jewelled creations so I show her what to do. Unfeigned interest and politeness
and a thank-you. Guardian angel still at it with 'niceness, niceness everywhere you go'. Shut up.

Just to get a double whammy, my mother is next. I arrive with lunch, always arrive with food if you don't want to starve. She's crippled with rheumatoid arthritis but she keeps going on will power and morphine. It's hard not to help but we have to let her do as much as she can or her mobility goes. I sit down and make all the ribbon roses her hands won't let her do anymore, so she's set for another week of craft projects. I'm then allowed to walk home, or crawl to be more exact, threatening to rip the wings off my guardian angel if he opens his mouth once. There's just so much niceness I can do or take in one day.

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