Thursday, January 18, 2007


I usually love my taxi drivers but I've ridden with two this week that shouldn't be on the roads. Well, they can but just not with me in the car.

Sunday's twit couldn't have found his way out of Baghdad with a squadron of tanks. He didn't trust my Melway Map to Upwey but opened his Melway to check that my Melway was right. That's the way he drove, two maps on his lap and his eyes on the map.

Driver home was much better. He even suffered the Big M drive through for pissed sister who needed fries and coke.

Today's little dear was car blind. There were no other cars on the road except his taxi. It's fortunate that I saw the bus coming straight for us. It's fortunate that the other car turning in front of us saw the taxi and stopped. This guy didn't see them, he was shocked to find other people using his road. I always give a tip however small and I figured this driver could put it towards his pre-paid funeral plan.

I (sorry didn't some blogger or other say one shouldn't put 'I' in blog postings, wanker) walked out to the ATM to collect my inadequate welfare bludge to find a little old lady already there. How many times have I said I am a little old lady magnet? She has a shopping trolley in which she is carrying her oxygen bottle which is connected to her nose. She's about 3'6" and looked like a passing burp would knock her flat. She removes from the machine $800 and I know this, why? Because she stood there and counted it. A three year old hoon could have mugged her.
I gently suggested that perhaps next time she could go into the bank and have the girls give her the money even if they do charge $2 or whatever. She said perhaps I was right since it was hard to hold the oxygen and count at the same time.

I swear when I get old, I'm walking out into the desert straight into the sunset unless I come across the Todd River and drown first. (It has water, it rained there today)


Andrew said...

(sorry didn't some blogger or other say one shouldn't put 'I' in blog postings, wanker)

Isn't that what a blog is all about? Me me me.

I catch cabs rarely, but when I do, the drivers are pretty crook. Aside from anything, they drive so fast. It is good to get where you want to go fast and the fines will be on them but I do watch for how good their reflexes are.

JahTeh said...

I had to take off my glasses and clean them, I thought you'd caught crabs. The comment wasn't nearly so interesting after that. The fast driving doesn't bother me, it's knowing where they're going so fast which most of them don't.
Are you sure you've never had crotch crickets? Make a fascinating post for those of us who've never had the pleasure. A bit like your meanderings through heteroville.

Anonymous said...

You two are sooooooo sick.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of the New Orleans restaurant with the sign that read,
Yes, We Have Crabs.

BwcaBrownie said...

I have to agree with CameraFace: No 'I' in blogging? FK 'em.
Blogging is the only place where one may be candid and truthful without fear of consequence (which is why absolutely nobody I know in the physical world knows about my blog).

Thanks for the laugh to start the day
(why am I reading blogs at 8am? Because pooter is in my bedroom and others in this house
DO NOT GET OUT OF BED until 10am. Yes folks - tippy toes till ten for godsake.)

I love the image of you and sis in the drive-through!!

JahTeh said...

If I didn't have I to talk about and all I's troubles and all I's pictures of nekkid droolies, I'd likely wither up and die.

Brownie I can't believe your blog's a secret, you just threatened to have someone whacked for the price of a slab.

Pardon me I have met you and you are such a shy retiring type of person that no-one would connect you with the blog persona unless they kicked their dog and you took their leg off with your bare teeth while wrapping the dog up in a blanket and carrying it to hospital on your back.

Just kidding, is it really only a slab for a whacking? Me Dad used to pay 50 bucks for a knee-capping.

Nothing better than good ole Aussie humour Kurt but you're right we're sooooooo sick.

R.H. said...

I've given Landeryou another comment (Posting: Weak Geek). Take a look, and have a laugh.


JahTeh said...

RH, you made me bookmark his horrible little blog just to see if he comes back at you.

Andrew said...

Andrew pretends he has not read the reply.

JahTeh said...

Damned by your silence eh!

Anonymous said...

Caught a cab home from work in the city last week and the driver had no idea of where Abbotsford was (fair enough, perhaps) and then didn't even know where Hoddle Street was!

JahTeh said...

Anonymous, I admit I don't know where Abbotsford is which is why I expect my drivers to and I don't mind if they haul out a melways. It's better than going via Sydney.

JahTeh said...

Kurt, my sister reminded me of a joke song title from years back, "Stay away from the shrimp boat Momma, Daddy's bringing home crabs". Okay beat that.

R.H. said...

Some of these Middle-East drivers know their tricks before they come here. The biggest swindler I ever rode with was in Kabul. I thought he was up to something, and when we passed the same mosque on the right for the third time I knew for sure. I paid him off immediately, and even then he managed to short-change me.
Really, you can't beat them, they're just too good.

Andrew said...

How about Dame Edna's magazine cover, "How to cook seafood and cure crabs"

Kurt Reply said...

Oh, JT, you should know better than to issue a challenge like that. I HATE your forcing me to go to joke websites. Absolutely HATE it.

This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she
goes to the doctor.

"Doctor I think I have the crabs."

"When was the last time you had sex?" The doctor asks.

"I have never had sex. I'm still a virgin." she replied.

The doctor thought this was very strange so he told her to
get on the table and he would examine her.

After the examination he said, "I have some good news and
bad news for you. The good news is you don't have the crabs.
The bad news is you've got fruit flies."

"Fruit flies?" asks granny.

"Yeah," says the doctor. "Your cherry rotted."

Kurt Reply said...

Oh, and then there is the one about the Princess Lobster who fell in love with the humble crab. They got to know each other very well, but when she presented him to her father, the King demanded that she give him up because he'd not have as his son-in-law a low-life that could only walk sideways.
Despondent, the crab scuttled sideways to the nearest pub where he drank himself into oblivion.
Back at the palace there was a Lobster's ball that evening. Lobsters from all over the bay showed up to dance and make merry, but the Princess was inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open and the crab walked in. The lobsters stopped and stared as he made his way across the floor . . . all could see that he was walking not sideways but FORWARDS, one claw after another!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally, the crab spoke:

"F**k, I'm pissed."