Wonderwoman might live til she's 900 years old but even she'd get a bit tired and distressed at 850. I always wanted to look like her up there but I'm more like her down there and today I felt like it.I can turn a queen size mattress with the help of gravity. It's just a matter of heaving it upright and letting it fall without taking the chandelier out of the ceiling. Rotating a queen size mattress on the other hand is not as simple. It would be simple if I had a large bedroom and no cast-iron bed head and bottom then I could just swing it. But life is never simple even for superheroes so the mattress just stuck in the bars half way and at both ends. Why do they have handles on the side and not on the bottom? Half an hour and much swearing later I managed to drag it round to where it should be.
Washing the sheets simple, checking for kleenex automatic, missing one tissue, a given. Falling out the laundry door with a full load was just icing on the cake. I blame my slipper, the door and having to do washing in the first place.
Next on the list was cooking a biscuit slice. It's been a while since I cooked a slice from scratch. I can tell by the brown sugar which is jammed into the jar and set like concrete. I didn't burn the slice but I burnt the chocolate icing, tripped again and broke 4 glasses in the sink when I dropped the pot.
So I have to get new slippers that will last longer and stop cooking and sharpen memory, especially in the morning. Do I tell you or keep that to myself? Nah, youse can deal with the vision. I absentmindedly wandered out to feed the birds this morning, sans clothes and me living under the flight path of every news chopper in Melbourne.
38 comments:
And to top off the day, I clicked next blog and got a sex blog...my eyeballs are seared. A bit of airbrushing wouldn't have gone astray on those bods.
"I absentmindedly wandered out to feed the birds this morning, sans clothes and me living under the flight path of every news chopper in Melbourne."
The last time I absent mindedly wandered around in the nuddy I found myself surrounded by choppers as well. Unfortunately I'd also absent mindedly wandered into the Pink Whistle Public House.
On the way home several illegal whalers from Japan weighed anchor off Fleetwood and attempted to harpoon me.
I'm astonished but it might make sense elsewhere: Wonderwoman at Beezlebug has actually banned me.
Well it's just as I say, right wing or left wing, they require a shower every day. The unwashed can expect nothing from them.
-Robert.
You have to laugh. Really.
At their terror.
Well good heavens, now I'm short of a posh dame.
I'll go back to Miss Laura.
Laurilla, queens of queens.
Queen of the campus.
That's "campus" not camp. Okay?
(Shut your gob)
Maybe I shouldn't stay home Saturday night.
There's less mischief going out.
Did Sedgewick photoshop you?
No Cameraface. We're just good friends.
Every time I went swimming I'd put the kids on alert for whalers.
I wasn't entirely naked, I'd left my slippers on. It was total absent mindedness, put dressing gown in washing machine, wander back through kitchen, feed birds on the way to getting dressed. One good thing, it means the weather's getting warmer.
Rh, another banning? How many is that this year? Be nice to Miss Laura, she's not well but she now has chickens in the back yard and two more cats, in case you miss the lovely horse.
He might as well have Cameraface, it's an awfully good likeness right down to the sensible 'kickyouinthecrotch' shoes.
That's my Lordship, you don't tell and I won't.
I have no idea why she banned me.
-Robert.
Maybe the horse knows something?
Thats just Gorgeous... just gorgeous...
You must have done something bad Rh, your comments and dirty ditties have gone too.
MC, I've just stolen someone else's meme to complete your meme, it's called re-cycling.
Well, there ya go RH, that's two "naughty boys" kicked out in the cold .. must have something to do with touching the hand of the "high's and the mighty's" .. heh.
I cannot speak.
Ioeiaun Gruffudd got married ... and not to me.
I feel about 14.
Yes well there's lots of right wingers in horse costumes. Old mares. That ain't what they ever seemed.
(heh)
Hehehehe, why did't you get help with the mattress ya silly old wonderwoman?
XXX
S'cuse me JahTeh (and your clever coterie of commenters, who ARE actually funny,lighthearted and good to read.) But whilst RH and Davo have both come here looking for a shoulder to cry on, I'll explain my actions.
I banned you RH because you're a rude, angry, insulting, twat. Someone I'd prefer wasn't dominating my comments. You could say I took your advice and woke up to myself.
Davo, I deleted some of your more incoherent comments because there were so many. You have not been banned, but I'd just as sooner you didn't get insensibly pissed and come over and make nonsense comments on my blog.
I drove to work after reading an awful lot of utter tripe. RH, Davo, RH, Davo, RH, Davo, on and on it went, and I thought to myself, this is making me really grumpy, why do I have to put up with this crap? My blog is not some public bar/lavatory for these two to come and amuse themselves (and no-one much else.) Its not as though I found your comments particularly witty, or amusing, just tedious, vaguely, if not downright insulting with large helpings of paternalistic condescension. Short answer Caroline, you don't have to put up with it.
By donminating comment's threads, you scare everyone else off and at Beelzebublog I can do a perfectly satisfactory job of that myself.
Let it rip Caroline, take no prisoners and if you need another horse whip, feel free to borrow mine. Cuckoos in a nest should not be encouraged.
Neo, I'm an emancipated wonderwoman and wouldn't ask for help if the mattress fell on me which it damn near did.
Annie, my Welsh studmuffin married that vacuous blonde instead of me! Well he'll never know what he's missed out on unless he clicks next blog and gets the one I did.
Okay Jahteh.
Here watch it Rh, lying old bag is trademarked by me. I'll sue!
Excellent! A bitch fight! It's just like Neighbours and Home & Away...only with swearing, and beer and spittal. And there I was thinking, "I might go to Australia one of these days. They seem like such a friendly bunch o' cobbers. No crime. Never rains. All the women are atractive and wear bikins. All the young people never swear or drink or annoy people." Then I remembered Crocodile Dundee and cancelled the ticket.
Hughes, sweetie, darling, never mind crocodile man, anyone who thinks I'm attractive and wears a bikini will be declared a national treasure and a protected species.
I only praised your wit RH to soften the blow of the character assasination, which was the main thrust of the email I sent to you in response to your 'Dear Scrag'. I didn't ban you then--a mistake. I tend to like anyone who displays a sense of humour. Clearly this is not particularly wise. Jack the Ripper probably had a sense of humour too.
Jack the Ripper, I believe, was skilled at cutting up the pros.
"All the young people never swear or drink or annoy people"
Umm, dunno about them. Us old crocks missed the "reconstruction" era, apparently .. heh.
Miss C.
Forget about it.
And Davo, I hate to say this about someone else, but you really are a funny bloke. It's the consistency I think: the doggedness of Snake Gully.
(heh)
Okay?
You incoherent old bush bastard!
-Robert.
Insensibly pissed too!
You watch ya grammarar, ya cheeky young lad .. that's "insensibly inebriated also". Sheesh, where's Dad when ya need 'im.
Davo.
Probably my most stupid comments yet, I've deleted the worst of it.
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