TRIVIA NIGHT

Here are some words for your next trivia night.

OTOLITH. Give up? It's an ear bone of a fish made of calcium carbonate and protein that helps fish maintain their balance. As the fish grows, its otoliths form sequential rings like a tree trunk, corresponding to different times in the fish's life. The chemical makeup of each ring tells us where the fish had been living durng that time period.

PHONOLITE. A type of lava that rings when struck with a hammer.

Sometimes I read the strangest articles.

THE AFTER VIRUS VIRUS

I'm still tired. I have two days running around then the next day in bed. Please, I'm not complaining, bed is very nice when the sun is streaming in the window and I have books to read. It's just that even I'm beginning to notice washing piling up, dishes from other houses booking holidays in my kitchen for the peace and quiet and the chocolate stash has disappeared.

I'm also turning into one of those old ladies who shout at the ads on TV. It's the Ad Agency's job to make annoying ads so that we'll remember what they are but it doesn't mean I'm going to buy the products just because I remember them. It's about the only thing I remember these days.

Napisan is off the list until someone gives that repulsive kid the boot. Kids shouldn't be allowed in the laundry unless they're locked in and washing their own clothes. I'd have hit him with the Napisan after the first annoying question not that I would have done that to my own, I always threw whatever was to hand to give them a chance to dodge. Of course if they were looking the other way then all's fair in the mother/child war.

White King can go jump too. I use White King. I do not leap around the bathroom using the bottle as a substitute AK47 assault rifle. I do not laugh like a hyena on heat when killing algae in the cistern and what's more her bloody bathroom looks immaculate anyway.

Next on the list. Lynx! I have yet to find any cologne or aftershave that would turn a bloke into anything as luscious as chocolate. He doesn't even turn into goodlooking chocolate. I shouldn't complain about that ad really because it's obviously aimed at men who will buy crap-in-a-can if they think it will get them laid. Take a tip from me, leave the Lynx and buy the biggest box of chocolates you can find. You'll have more chance with that especially if you're coming to my house.

WEB WISDOM

"The hardest part about doing nothing is trying to explain yourself to people burdened with a life full of somethings".



I can't attribute that to anyone but I found it on a forum at DeviantArt. Haven't we all had people with a life full of somethings annoying us?


The us, being the ones lolling about doing nothing and thoroughly enjoying it.

WORD OF THE DAY

From the Latin:

Cat - Feline. I knew that.

Tortoise - Testitude. I didn't know that.

THE REST OF THE POST BECAUSE I PUSHED THE WRONG BUTTON

I have one of life's mysteries to answer.
If I have only enough money to buy beads, on special, a quarter of their usual price and a chocolate nut cluster Easter egg, why do I always go for the item that will last longest?

Believe me it's not the egg.

So many luscious, rich and unusual eggs this year and such outrageous prices. I'm torn between the roasted nut cluster egg or the rocky road egg from Hillier's. I can't afford to even look at the Lindt eggs. Darrell Lea have chocs and eggs in the one box and I had my hand in my purse but the price! Mentally adding up how many tomatoes and apples I could buy instead, with change left over for the 'on special' beads, I walked away.

There was a time when Easter eggs were made of brown coloured sawdust, at least that's what they tasted like. Now the selection of an egg takes an hour for a small one and 24 hours deliberation for the name, filling, dark or light, shell or solid, with or without a side order of whatever's in the middle. Also a credit card (currently in a pay up or die balance) or a bank loan would be handy. For those of us not into wood and nails and redemption, chocolate eggs are the best reason for having Easter even if they're an old wives tale and nothing to do with pagan spring celebrations.

I did buy a rabbit. A fluffy mauve rabbit with a wonky eye and a bow. Give me a box of plush animals and I will always pick the one with a wonky something. It cost $2 and it will last a lot longer than an egg.

I still want an egg.

I really want an egg.

I want a really big egg with chocolates inside and out.

HOTCH POTCH

That's the Space Shuttle Endeavour on it's way to the International Space Station. It was a night launch last week and photographed by James N. Brown.

OLD WIVES TALES

While I was looking for myths and legends about ducks I came across some whacko old wives tales. Not much on ducks though, apparently the only bad thing a duck can do is lay a dun coloured egg and then you have to kill it. Plenty of politicians laying dun coloured eggs at the moment, can we kill them......please?

*A mole on a woman's thigh.
This means she's unfaithful and a great spendthrift. Half right, I was never unfaithful but I was a fantastic spendthrift.

*It's unlucky to cut fingernails on a Friday or Sunday. Sorry, it didn't say why.

*If a woman cuts the nails of her right hand with her left hand she will have the upper hand in marriage.
Unless she can cut nails with her left foot the woman definitely wins on this deal.

*Never eat anything when a funeral bell is tolling or toothache will follow.
I'm sure that one is made up. I've lost half my teeth and I've never heard a funeral bell.

*There is said to be a connection between the size of a person's nose and their sexual organs.
Good grief, no wonder I'm unlucky, I've been looking in the wrong place for years and asking complete strangers to remove their shoes before bed.

*If a girl's bra or pants should suddenly slip down, this is a sign that someone who loves her is thinking of her.
Okay, not faulty elastic or the underwires popping out.

*If two or more holes should appear in any of these items then tradition says the owner can expect a gift very shortly.
Considering the state of my blessed knickers I should have a truckload arriving any day now.

*Cats are looked upon as an infallible weather forecaster: If one sneezes then rain is on the way. A cat sitting with its back to the fire indicates a storm. A cat sharpening its claws on a table leg is a sign of a change in the weather, usually for the better.
Not in this house, any claws on wood was likely to be followed by a size 10 boot out the back door in any weather.

*A white horse could warn of danger, and lived longer than a dark horse, so was considered a living amulet against early death.
Caroline, may I borrow Luke for a month or two.

*The wren was for many years hunted and killed, partly out of hatred (because it was regarded as a sacred bird by the Druids and consequently denounced by the early Christians) and partly because it was believed the bird's feathers would prevent anyone from drowning. It is now very unlucky for a sailor to kill one.
For any sailors out there, I have two wren feathers in my collection, highest bidders gets them.

VALENTINE SMALENTINE

FOR ALL THE BLOKES WHO DIDN'T SEND ME A VALENTINE -

FEAST YOUR EYES ON WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!!

BWAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!

PUCK PLUSH POYS

Valentine's Day and Plush Toys. What a horrible combination of memories this dredges up. I mean I quite like old 'Eeyore' up there and always preferred him to Pooh the bear with very little brain. But the very little brain I married gave me a plush toy for our first Valentine's Day.

I should have changed my name and moved overseas the minute I received this fabulous token of his affection (or derangement).

I have not forgotten trying to get home in a train carrying a two and a half foot high plush elephant. You know the saying, "ignore the elephant in the room", well try ignoring a fluorescent pink elephant accented with fluorescent green ears and feet on a crowded train.

Donations of Krug Champagne for a Valentine's Day tipple will be gratefully accepted. I will supply the pink elephants.

I'M NOT GIVEN TO PRAYING BUT.....

I did offer a few to the heavens when I could smell burning rubber. "Please, please don't let the fan belt break before I vac up the two dead cockroaches in the corner".

Mark this date on the calendar, vacuumed the lounge room, hovered up sundry dead things and enough crumbs to feed a small country but *sob* no cat hair. After a decent interval of mourning, I have moved the old sod's tennis balls.

My number one tip for vacuuming is not to try and put all the junk on the floor away before you start. Put it on every chair in the place so you can't sit down until you've finished.

And if you do see something flippy and grey coming towards you just make sure it isn't alive before you scream and run into the curtains. I panicked, it kept coming towards me. Who knew it was caught on a piece of cotton half way up the crevice tool which made it jump and jiggle and since I was still holding on to said tool, of course it followed me.

My final act was to put all the junk on the chairs back on the floor where I could find it.

My encore was to take off the dust bag and empty it by pulling all the rubbish out of the small attaching hole. Yes, it's a filthy job but someone's got to do it in the interests of economy. Those bags cost a fortune and I can get at least 5 vacs out of one, probably more now *sob* there's no cat shedding fur.

THE MEME ME

The Recipe For Coppertop

3 parts Drive 2 parts Giddiness 1 part Energy Splash of Tease Sip slowly on the beach

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

LEFTOVERS

The storm we had last week was huge. Instead of little white hail stones, I had clear jagged lumps of ice hitting the glass around the house. I had Niagra Falls over every spouting because the downpipes couldn't cope nor could the drain in the carport so that flooded. To give you some idea of how much rain fell, I had the big yellow recycle bin emptied in the morning and that ended up half full of water. A neighbour had to help me tip it up to empty because I couldn't move it. I'm going to be thinking of that storm when the temperature hits 40 degrees plus on New Year's Eve.

Then we got more the next day and I rescued a dove. So I looked around for Noah and the Ark but only the dove. Poor little thing, its feathers were so drenched and it was so battered that it was staggering across a busy road. Regardless of my own safety (read stupid) I shepherded the wee bird to the grass verge where it recovered and flew away. My Christmas good deed.

This is what I love about Melbourne, I get to whinge about the rain and two weeks later I get to whinge about the heat. The heat not only makes me lie and down and do nothing (colour me expert) but it brings out the wildlife. Huntszilla number three was caught and chucked out late last night. This one was a little agressive and I had to chase it across the ceiling before it dropped into the bag. Number three might only be one and two getting back into the house and it certainly knew a trick or six about avoiding the bag, like backtracking out of my line of sight. Nerve-wracking in the small hours.

Mummsy is her usual sweet self. I told her I was dying, sorry, enhancing my natural colour and she said why didn't I go gray, "..... after all you are old now!" Okay, thanks, without that I might have forgotten. Just to make sure, I have Pavlov's Cat's middle age meme to do. The excitement of it all.

Bring on 2008, I have tickets in Tattslotto, I will be rich.

NEWS UNIMPORTANT TO ANYONE

This is for Lord Hughes of Fleetwood. It's a new word I've discovered and it's from Yorkshire where all the good words come from. (shut up Fleetwood, I know youse is Lancashire) They don't gather holly there, they scroggle it, scroggling the holly in Yorkshire. I love it. Scroggling a dollar, scroggling a vote, scroggling the New Year booze. I think I've just moved 'grackle' down to second place. Scroggle has just scroggled first.

This is for Phil the car freak (can't spell enthusiast, oh just did). I bought my nephew a glossy car book for Christmas and naturally read it first as one does. I tell you phil I could never understand a bloke drooling over a thing with four wheels that goes from here to there until now. Classic Convertibles in full colour and suddenly I was in luuurve. I loved the lines of the E-type Jag but I'd need one for each foot. I'm talking from experience here, I got stuck in a formula one racing car once. Do not ask how I got out because I'm not quite sure how I got in. Anyway after going through the pretty pictures a dozen times or more, I decided on the Aston Martin DB9 Volante if I ever get thin enough to fit and in the meantime, a Rolls Royce Corniche in a lovely burgundy, not the flashy gold in the book, will do nicely.

Bug is still colonizing my innards but tolerated avocado and lemonade last night so tonight I'm going to hit it with Tofu and potato salad. Shopping for mother was the fastest supermarket trip on record, visit to her was second fastest and I slept for 3 hours when I got home. Safeway has all their chocolates at half price including Lindt and I didn't fancy any. Me, didn't fancy chocolate, me, I mean ME. Bloody virus.

F* OFF IE 7

1.29 Monday morning, I've had a shower, I'm going to bed happy.

My blog is back as it should be not searing my eyeballs like a glow-in-the-dark jockstrap.

IE 7 is consigned to the scrapheap.

If someone could tell me how to run Firefox through Optusnet/Outlook express then I'd be really happy.

WHAT''S THAT SONG?

You know the one Old Blue Eyes used to sing, time of morning and no-one in the place except you and me. It's late, 2:03 actually and I can't sleep and talking's off the menu as well so sorry for every body I owe emails to. I'm not ignoring you, just can't speak at the moment.

I'm up late because I've just finished watching The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King, which I haven't seen before. A few things hit me while watching.

1. If Kings, Prime Ministers and Presidents still had to lead the troops into battle we'd get a better quality leader or less war.

2. I'm not one for blondes but Orlando Bloom as a platinum elf can stick his pointy little shoes under my bed any time.

3. I'm putting in my vote now for Sir Ian to play Aberforth in the final HP movie.

4. Very distracting to have an ad showing some stripteasing tart showing her wares when 10 seconds before I was revelling about an evil Orc getting sliced and diced.

EVEN WONDERWOMAN GETS OLD

Wonderwoman might live til she's 900 years old but even she'd get a bit tired and distressed at 850. I always wanted to look like her up there but I'm more like her down there and today I felt like it.

I can turn a queen size mattress with the help of gravity. It's just a matter of heaving it upright and letting it fall without taking the chandelier out of the ceiling. Rotating a queen size mattress on the other hand is not as simple. It would be simple if I had a large bedroom and no cast-iron bed head and bottom then I could just swing it. But life is never simple even for superheroes so the mattress just stuck in the bars half way and at both ends. Why do they have handles on the side and not on the bottom? Half an hour and much swearing later I managed to drag it round to where it should be.

Washing the sheets simple, checking for kleenex automatic, missing one tissue, a given. Falling out the laundry door with a full load was just icing on the cake. I blame my slipper, the door and having to do washing in the first place.

Next on the list was cooking a biscuit slice. It's been a while since I cooked a slice from scratch. I can tell by the brown sugar which is jammed into the jar and set like concrete. I didn't burn the slice but I burnt the chocolate icing, tripped again and broke 4 glasses in the sink when I dropped the pot.

So I have to get new slippers that will last longer and stop cooking and sharpen memory, especially in the morning. Do I tell you or keep that to myself? Nah, youse can deal with the vision. I absentmindedly wandered out to feed the birds this morning, sans clothes and me living under the flight path of every news chopper in Melbourne.