IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I MEMED

A – Age. Young enough not to care who knows it which doesn't mean I'm going to tell you.

B- Bed size A queen size. Room for me, my books, my walkman, notepads, cassettes (there's an age give-away) and the Butler’s tea tray.

C- Chore you hate. Housework, gardening, sex and saving money, breaking in a new Butler.
I couldn't choose one, they're all at the top of the list.

D - Dog’s name. Don't have one now but if I do buy one, its name will be Harold the Elk.
Thank you Lord Hughes.
Memo to self: see if the Butler would go for a name change.

E - Essential start to your day. Apart from sunlight streaming in the window, Earl Grey Tea, black, no sugar, served by the Butler.

F - favorite colour. Mulberry and black. It's the Butler's livery.

G - gold or silver. Yellow gold, not rose gold or white gold.
If you’re going for white gold you might as well go platinum and hang the expense.

H- height. Six foot 2 inches. It’s my meme, I can lie if I want to.

I – instruments. Poker machines.

J – job. Work? That’s what the Butler’s for.

K – kids. I’m allergic to anything under the age of consent.

L - living arrangements. Blissfully alone, except for the Butler.

M - Mum's name. My dad used to call her ‘Angel’.
It’s unprintable what I’ve called her in the last week.

N – Nicknames. Puhleeese, with my height and the Butler trailing behind, no-one would dare.

O - overnight hospital stay other than birth. There’s not enough room on this blog to catalogue. I’ll go with the first one before I was 12 months old. I had a throat infection which obstructed my breathing so the men-in-white carted me off to Fairfield Infectious Diseases Hospital without my mother in attendance. I was kept there for a week, no contact with family until my mother came and got me. She was never told what was wrong with me or what treatment I was given. And you wonder why I love the X-Files. Unfortunately I only found out after Fairfield was closed so now I’ll never know.

P - pet peeve. Comments about my weight. People smoking near me. People drinking too much and being obnoxious. Kids who barf on me. Football players who can’t keep it in their pants. Sam Newman who can’t keep his gob shut. Men who think women are inferior when we actually rule the world, albeit in secret. Creationists. (I would time travel them back to the dinosaurs to try living with them since they’re so convinced)

The list is endless. I’m a grumpy old woman.

Q - Quote from a movie. “We’re gunna need a bigger boat” That statement applies to everything that goes wrong. I love that film.

R - robot or human. With some blokes you can’t tell.
Pardon me while I go check the Butler.

S – Siblings. Sister but then I can’t be certain. I may have been swapped for an alien at Fairfield.

T - time you wake up. After the Butler arrives and before the tea goes cold.

U – underwear. Commando in the house, Bombay bloomers in the street.
I wouldn’t want to frighten the horses if I fell over.

V - Vegetable you dislike. Besides Sam Newman? Okra, chokoes, eggplant and sweet potato.

W- ways you run late. I am never late or the Butler gets fired.

X - X-rays you've had. Too many, I probably glow in the dark.

Y - Yummy food you make. I used to be a great cook but I’ve lost the knack except for a booze laden Christmas cake that can prove lethal. Fortunately the Butler seems to have been trained at the Ritz.

Z - Zoo favourite. I hate zoos except for endangered species but I love otters. I always head for the otters.