Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The wedding show review

I was looking for a wedding dress for this post and came across this site which is to weddings what CakeWrecks is to cakes. It's a scream.

Fortunately our Aussie brides were a lot more tasteful. I liked that the four girls last night all said how lovely the others looked as they were making their vows and most of the bad remarks were reserved for the food and that's the fault of the reception place.

First off was the $50,000 Hollywood extravaganza. The dress was bigggg as in Princess bride meets a giant pavlova without the strawberries and a strapless top with floating feathers. I loved her crystal hair ornament which wound around her hair and for the bridal dance and dance it was, she changed into a slinky white gown with a side split. Apparently the bride hadn't told the groom that in the middle of the dance, fireworks were going to go off, his expression, priceless. Bridesmaids, yeah well gosh and the happy couple tossed doves into the air after the ceremony. That's supposed to symbolise peace and happiness but usually symbolises a meal for some predator.

Second was our lovely Pagan couple. The other brides had no idea what a pagan was and had trouble wrapping their minds around a hand fasting ceremony. The bride wore a simple white dress with an olive green cloak. The guests were asked to bring a crystal and bury it in the ground of the wedding circle under a huge tree. Guest dressing was elegant Goth. After the ceremony, the bride jumped the broom and the reception began. The entertainment belonged to the bride and groom who did a routine of fire twirling in the dark, outside. Surprisingly their cake is the only one I remembered. That topped up $20,000.

Third bride thought she was a cert as she was being married on a tropical island. She'd used the internet for everything including finding the groom. The dress that was ordered was too small so she lost 38kgs to fit into it. If I knew it was that easy I'd be ordering a wedding dress tomorrow. The bridesmaids were dressed in a coral colour, strapless and short. The groom and his men were very formal in white shirts, black long shorts and black thongs. The reception area was plain but the food got top marks except for dessert which was a long table made up as a lolly bar. This effort came in at $25,000.

Our fourth bride went traditional then Bollywood. Her dress was a delicate but plain white satin, not strapless and a lovely lace trimmed veil. One of the other brides was in melt down at the no booze reception. The wedding guests all wore saris and the bride really shone when she changed into her outfit for the reception and dancing. The Indian and Fijian dancing was entertaining.
All up $36,000.

The girls were quite generous with their points but the winner was Miss Hollywood Princess in the meringue dress. Meh!


Ann ODyne said...

For more brides like your photo, just look for "Traveller brides" - they marry at 14 too. Are we allowed to say 'gypsy' way down here?

On the other hand, their puffy frocks are not unlike that pink $20,000 Valentino on all the posters for his Brisbane gallery show.

When I read your
"The dress that was ordered was too small so she lost 38kgs to fit into it.
If I knew it was that easy I'd be ordering a wedding dress tomorrow" ... my involuntary shreik woke the neighbour's cat.

River said...

A bride lost 38kgs to get into a wedding dress? What time frame did she have for losing this amount? I would have sent the dress back and got the right size! Besides, if I lost 38kgs I'd be locked in the anorexic ward.
That picture you put up is a shocker for sure. Those awful dresses! Tacky is the right word.
The other weddings sound like they were fun. I don't like the idea of a lolly table as dessert at all.

Kath Lockett said...

I just can't bring myself to watch the show... my own wedding was in a dress that cost $12 for the material and was held in my parents' back yard!

JahTeh said...

Annie O, I've got that dress on the cover of my Valentino book. I don't know why they didn't put one of his gorgeous red gowns there.

River, I think she said a year and she still had meat on her bones.
I should have taped the show because it's so unlike me not to remember the cakes.

Kath, have a go, it's like a puzzle trying to figure out where all that money went to. My mother made my dress from material she was keeping for her frock for Melbourne Cup Day. She made my sister's dress out of the odments bin at Lincraft. They're both still lovely.
I have bridal books going back to l980s and you can see the development of this enormous industry.

JahTeh said...

My sister's reception was in the back yard and I can still see my tipsy Aunt singing 'Charlotte the harlot lay dying' with my ex and not having a clue what the words were about.

Middle Child said...

I saw the same show - it was so ???? what... can't describe it - my youngest ali was so simple and elegant and will post some lovely dress pictures when I get them

Helen said...

Son cracked me up when I showed him that picture - "Are those people going for the soft-serve machine look?"

phil said...

The wedding industry. Bollocks.

JahTeh said...

Therese, I've already been to your blog, post more photos quickly.
She looked so gorgeous and happy and unfussed.

Helen, he has taste. I mean what was she thinking, the dresses are bad enough but Orange?

Phil, 40 years ago there were no stretch cars, no fancy DVDs, no hens nights and the cake was probably made by a relative. Reception places were few which meant booking a year in advance, ditto the church as celebrants were only just coming in. All of a sudden it just explodes, most of it coming from America.

Link said...

They look like poodles.