Friday, October 12, 2018

My gravity is failing

Before I get to the bad bits, feast your eyes on my great granddaughter who's having a quick taste of her birthday cake. 

I seem to have developed the habit of falling over at least once a month. I believe my gravity is failing or should that be getting stronger.  The stupid thing is that I don't just fall, I fall insanely stupidly.  And to make it worse the paramedic who looks the size of my left leg says she was here last year to pick me up off the floor.

The last fall really hurt since I managed to do a twist mid-air and land on my right leg/knee replacement.
This didn't hurt as much since I was already close to the ground but the way I ended up was strictly Marx Bros. in style.  I have an extension that sits on top of the toilet seat for the crunched up knee replacements. I also have a handle on the wall and as I reached for the handle, the seat twizzled and I missed the handle completely.  I hit the floor, bum first, right leg bent and jammed beside the toilet and wall, bum jammed in the corner of the door frame and left leg ended up in the next door bathroom.  Now that's two separate rooms here and thank goodness the toilet door opens outwards. 
Twenty minutes to disentangle myself from toilet and get to the stage where both legs were facing the same direction.  Crawl to the phone but don't ring 000 just yet, there's the crawl to the front door to open it and grab something warm on the way.  Do the ringing bit, explain the fat lady has sung her way to the floor and can't get up. Everything else is fine, nothing broken, I'm warm, I can wait. 
I really hate the fact that I might be using an ambulance that someone really needs but now they have a team just for falls.  Up goes the cushion and I'm standing and walking to my chair.  I get a lecture on my legs about the fluid which could go to my lungs and heart, well jes tart, it's not like I started out to make elephant legs and I can walk.  She then goes into shock at the 240/110
blood pressure.  Of course I know it's stroke material but I was more worried about the other end which was building up explosively so she decided to wait a few minutes and do it on the other arm. They do a heart test which shows a perfect beat so the blood pressure again, it's down 20 but she wants me to go to hospital for tests for stroke. I told her if my mother can't give me a stroke then nothing will. She rings clinician (?) who wants hospital but goes for doctor's appointment in two hours.  
I'm sure Doc is writing a book about how idiots fall. Says my blood pressure has gone right down and was pleased that blood sugar was only 12 when they stabbed my finger which they couldn't stop bleeding. It's always the way, I either can't get blood or bleed to death.  I was pleased to get home and dry toast and tea was all I could get down. Staggered off to bed with precious cat and rang mother to see if I could frighten her to death, almost but she's bloody tough.
So it's now 4 days and my toe is not broken just bruised from where I jammed it in the toilet brush.  
So the fat lady not only sang but managed the splits, pretty good for my age.


Cheryl said...

Thats terrible to hear of your fall and injury,hope you are feeling much better now. Such a gorgeous photo of your great granddaughter. Take care dear JahTeh.

River said...

Oh my! Just look at that adorable little cutie-pie :) :)
Sorry to hear you are falling so often, but at least you know now that you can do the splits and could probably get a part in a ballet performance about the fat lady singing.

I'm a little shocked too at the 240/110 blood pressure, but at least it was down a fair bit by the time you got to the doctor.
Please take care JahTeh, we love you out here.

JahTeh said...

Cheryl G, now I know time if flying, the last fall was in June and I could have sworn it was only weeks ago. I am going to get in the shower now instead of washing at the basin, confidence near water just goes at any time let alone after falling.

JahTeh said...

River, the blood pressure comes and goes but I have a trick, I close my eyes and see the ocean and waves, drops it like magic. The depression after a fall is harder to deal with when I realize how many things I can't do any more. Sister rang yesterday to say how lovely it was in Queensland and I could have punched her down the phone.

Ann ODyne said...

Darling Coppy what a bastard of pain I am so sorry.
You MUST go vewy vewy carefully to avoid the slipping - think 3-toed Sloth speed, no errors.
Yes G-grand-daughter is adorable, thanks for sharing.
love from the paddocks

JahTeh said...

Annie O, if only we could remember our lessons from the School of Elegance and swan around without thinking. I think that's my problem, I can't think and walk at the same time.

Beth Waltz said...

Your wit in the reporting of life's disasters is on a par with the last scene of an American movie classic, "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World". An ensemble cast of comedians ranging from silent-film greats to then current TV favorites displayed all the techniques of their trade, chasing a buried treasure. It ends badly, of course, many of them lying in a hospital ward listening to an elderly Spencer Tracy reflecting sadly on the human condition. Then Ethel Merman, the motor-mouth mother-in-law, strides into the ward and slips on a banana peel...

Dear JahTeh, I see that final filip of your toe in the toilet brush as a finger raised to a universe that abuses us with the laws of gravity.

JahTeh said...

Ah, Beth, I loved that film but they re-made it recently and it was vile, you just can't replace old time actors.

I am cursed with doing the most ridiculus things. Like walking past a pencil on the walk and thinking I must pick that up but walking back to do it, I stabbed myself in the foot with said pencil because it jammed up against a book and I jammed into it.
I remember it well, watching that pencil standing upright in my foot and saying to myself I should have picked up that book as well.